| Volume 3: Issue 5 |
June 2010
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In This Issue:
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The Reciprocity of Respect Article # 26, Synchronistically Speaking series, June 2010
The people who contributed most to my husband's healing were those who, despite their own stress, worries, frustrations and personal agendas, were able to place themselves in a frame of reference that made him feel like he was at the center. In contrast, late one night, when he was in need of a breathing treatment, a respiratory therapist showed up over an hour late with no apology, cursing under her breath as she jerked the equipment around to get it into place. Her tone was gruff and curt, and her body language immediately communicated to my husband that he was a huge source of frustration for her as well. After shoving a mask onto his face, and moving it around in a manner that could be described as anything but gentle, she asked him if it fit. Having no idea what a "fit" would feel like, he feebly replied, "yes?" and she disappeared. Less than an hour later, the machine apparently malfunctioned, and interspersed with the various alarms and bells that were sounding off, he heard her huffing and puffing and cursing again, at the machine, at life, and for all my husband knew, at him too. When I heard him recount this story to me, I was horrified. My first reaction was to vilify this respiratory therapist and label her as an uncaring, unfeeling, unqualified disappointment. But upon further reflection,
I am certain this woman didn't intend to make my husband uncomfortable. The problem was more likely that she wasn't intending anything at all, which allowed her to be at the whim of something that wasn't serving her highest interest - or the highest interests of others. We are all subject to this dynamic every day of our lives. When we do not choose our desired intention and consciously align ourselves with it, we become slaves to our moods, our emotions, our frustrations and anxieties. But at any given moment, we can turn this dynamic around by becoming clear on what we most want and respectfully orienting our thoughts and actions around that - despite the circumstances we find ourselves in. This is exactly what the multitude of other health care professionals that made a positive impact on my husband did every day. I am certain that each of them had their own worries and concerns, that their days were not all rosy either. But they made the patients' well being their goal and as a result, everyone benefitted - including themselves. How does this relate to leadership? One of the things leaders are often eager to create in their organizations is a culture of trust and respect. This is something that must be generously modeled in order to be cultivated. As the old saying goes, you must give it to get it. One of the best definitions I have heard for showing respect is: the act of orienting one's thoughts and actions around another person or group of people.
Think of the last time you had occasion to speak to a large group of people, or make a critical presentation or pitch. If your overarching goal was about making yourself look good, chances are you didn't perform as well as you could have. Conversely, if instead you made your goal one of truly benefitting those who would be listening to you, you may have tapped into something in yourself that propelled you forward, providing you with the energy, confidence and passion to transcend your fears and doubts and truly excel.
When we approach conflict with the solitary goal of winning at any expense, we rarely leave feeling as though the most optimal outcome was achieved. If instead, we go in with the objective of gaining a better understanding and achieving a mutually satisfying goal, our ability to connect to others in ways that resolve differences and bring about positive results for everyone - including ourselves - is greatly enhanced.
What is it that you most want to experience and achieve today? How can you elevate your desires to allow others to benefit as well? In what ways can you model the respect you wish to receive? And what will you do to ensure that your highest intentions inform your thoughts and actions, even when things don't go the way you want them to? © 2008 Diane Bolden. Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting. All rights reserved. WOULD YOU LIKE TO REPRINT THIS ARTICLE? Diane Bolden is passionate about working with leaders to unleash human potential. An executive coach and organization development professional with over 18 years of experience in leadership development, coaching and consulting, Diane has worked with managers, directors and vice presidents/officers in Fortune 500 companies and non profit organizations to achieve higher levels of performance and success by helping them to bring out the best in themselves and everyone around them. To receive her free special report on Ten Traps Leaders Set for Themselves ~ and How to Avoid Them, visit www.UnleashTheExtraordinary.com.
My intention is quite simply to uplift and inspire as many people as possible. For more on the origin and purpose of the site, read About This Blog. Recent posts include Bringing Life to Work, about the benefits and importance of bringing more of who we are to what we do everyday, Life's Wake Up Calls, about what we can do to allow the most important things to remain front and center - without having to experience a tragedy, illness or trauma, Enduring a Stormy State of Mind, about navigating through temporary states that keep us from being our best, and Embracing Your Vision, about giving credence to your greatest inspirations and dreams. My goal is to post about once a week. If you like it, tell your friends! If you really like it, you can subscribe (there's no cost) via RSS feed (by clicking on the orange icon) or via email. Leave a comment while you're there - share your wisdom, inspiration and good humor. I look forward to connecting with you and in the process unearthing the very best in ourselves, each other, and this beautiful life we are all living!
I'm in the process of putting the finishing touches on my soon to be released book, The Pinocchio Principle ~ Becoming Real: Authentic Leadership for the 21st Century. The Pinocchio Principle was written as a roadmap to help each of us bring to fruition our greatest dreams and visions and better navigate through the perils and possibilities along the way. It is dedicated to allowing each of us to play a bigger, more significant and meaningful part in the world by unearthing our own leadership in ways that bring about a greater good - and showing others how to rise through our own example. My goal is to have it available in the fall. Stay tuned for more information. Published monthly. You are receiving this ezine because at some point in the last few years, you have opted to stay connected to Diane Bolden and/or Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting or have registered for one of our offerings. To change your subscription, see the link at the end of this email. To ensure that you continue to receive emails from us, add Diane@DianeBolden.com to your address book today.
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This month has been an intense one for me, whose events have led me to reaffirm and spend time with the people and endeavors that matter most in my life. As is often the case, I have been moved to write about the insights I've received as a result - both in my blog at 
Recently my husband had some pretty intense surgery that required him to spend almost a week in the hospital. For the most part he had a very good experience there - well, as good as you can have after your body has been sliced open and sewn up, only to be repeatedly poked, prodded and otherwise monitored at every hour of the morning and night. What made the difference in the quality of his experience was the human contact he had while he was there. I have a whole new respect for people in the medical profession now - doctors, nurses, techs, therapists, assistants, and even the people who clean the hospital rooms, check the equipment and bring the food.
I realized that she really isn't all that different than me - or any of us for that matter. She was probably having a bad day, or a bad week for all I know. We all have them. They are days when things don't go the way we want them to and we are just not at our best, perhaps physically, mentally, and/or otherwise. In these circumstances, we tend to make ourselves the center of our universe, often becoming convinced that the forces that surround us are conspiring against us in some way. We enter a mindless state where the stories we tell ourselves about how rotten things are trump reality and remove us from the people and things that need our attention the most. Respect becomes an afterthought - both for ourselves as well as for others. And what often happens in this state is that we create and attract more of whatever it is that is annoying us, which serves to propagate a vicious cycle. 
What we often fail to realize on days like these is the way in which our thoughts and actions affect everyone that we come into contact with. 
When leaders act in ways that are more about themselves than others, people respond accordingly, in order to protect their own interests. Defenses go up, and people withhold things - information, honesty, resources, energy, intellect, talent, passion, etc. But when leaders act from a frame of reference of genuinely wanting to do things in the highest interests of others, they cannot help but benefit as well. Because 
The bottom line is that in every moment of every day, we have a choice of what we will focus our thoughts and our actions on. The probability of experiencing satisfying, gratifying and otherwise desirable outcomes is greatly enhanced by the degree to which we consciously align our minds with our desired results and let that mindfulness guide everything we do. And when that goal is respectful of, and in the best interests of others, the probability of achieving it increases exponentially.
Coming Soon - 
