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Beyond the Mask - Adventures in Authentic Leadership

Article # 29, Synchronistically Speaking series, October 2010

Every once in awhile, I am blessed with a client that completely inspires me. The other day I had a meeting with one - I'll call him Don. Our coaching engagement started out like many do. He wasn't having any particular difficulty. He wanted to improve his leadership skills - to become more inspiring and engaging. And he confessed that lately he wasn't feeling all that inspired and engaged himself - at least not the way he'd like to be. He felt like he was kind of going through the motions, and experiencing a great deal of frustration over something he couldn't quite put his finger on. He knew there had to be more to work than what he was currently experiencing and was ready to do whatever it would take to remedy that.

In our meetings, Don explained that he had always made it a practice to keep his personal life separate from his work life - even to the point where he felt as though he was a different person at work than he was at home or around family and friends. With a little more exploration, he realized this duality and disconnectedness was really bringing him down. He wasn't sure exactly where his propensity to lead such separate lives had come from - other than perhaps his belief that it would be inappropriate to do anything different. Work was work, and home was home.

But as he examined the way he interacted with others even in his personal life, he realized that he had a tendency to hold back there as well. Don is an introverted and intensely thoughtful man. His eyes reflect a depth and a warmth that his words could not quite convey yet. But it has always been there, nonetheless.

Like many people who hold management positions, Don believed that leaders need to project a rock solid image, to be strong and somewhat infallible, to project confidence and to be unflappable. But as we talked about the people who had most inspired him over the years, he realized that the common denominator was not necessarily what these people had accomplished, but rather what they had to overcome in order to accomplish it - including their fears, hardships, challenges, disappointments - and yes, even weaknesses. He realized that what had endeared him to those who inspired him most was their willingness to be humble, vulnerable, and personal.

Don made a commitment to share more over the next several weeks. He also dedicated himself to listening more intently and to connecting with people in a more personal way. As he did so, he began to learn more about those who report to him, his coworkers, and even his boss. He got a glimpse of their personal and professional desires, frustrations, fears and challenges. And he disclosed more about himself than ever before.

A couple of weeks ago, Don's family experienced a tragedy that rocked their world. In the past, he explained to me, he wouldn't have talked about it at work - believing that it would be inappropriate and uncomfortable. But Don decided to venture beyond the constraints he once held himself to. Though he felt a bit hesitant, he shared his experience with his boss first, who wasn't quite sure how to react but listened intently and offered sympathy and support. He talked to his staff about what had happened and how it had impacted him, and shared with other colleagues as well. In the days that followed, Don was showered with letters, email, and expressions of heartfelt appreciation from all directions.

Don explained that taking those steps allowed him to "open up the gates that had previously confined him." As he has become more and more comfortable with bringing his whole self to the table, he is changing the way he does a lot of things now. Just recently he related that his whole approach to delegating a project has changed. In the past, Don explained, he would review a fairly mechanized list of action steps, requirements and targets, ensure that there was understanding, and go onto his next task.

Now, he takes the time to truly engage with the person who will take on the responsibility, acknowledging that person's specific and unique talents and gifts and affirming why he believes he or she is the best person for that particular project. With this approach, they are both able to identify the ways the project will allow the person taking it on to grow and achieve milestones that will benefit both the individual and the organization as a whole. In this way the work itself takes on far more meaning than just another project that needs to get done.

Don's willingness to challenge his assumptions, explore unchartered territory, and bring more of who he really is to what he does distinguishes him as a leader. He has set a new tone in his part of the organization - even within a culture that may seem upon the face of things to be somewhat guarded and impersonal. His courageous actions have been met with appreciation and gratitude and have inspired others (including me) to reach into themselves and bring out their best as well. These actions can have an exponential effect that can ultimately change entire organizations, communities and the world at large.

Don's example and that of others is a testament to the fact that leadership truly is a matter of the heart. It is about connecting with people in such a way that allows them to rise above the places they first found themselves and to recognize that what makes them unique is an essential contribution to whatever they are a part of that cannot be withheld . And it is about modeling the way - leading ourselves in order to lead others.

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Diane Bolden is passionate about working with leaders to unleash human potential. An executive coach and organization development professional with over 19 years of experience in leadership development, coaching and consulting, Diane has worked with managers, directors and vice presidents/officers in Fortune100 and 500 companies and non profit organizations to achieve higher levels of performance and success by helping them to bring out the best in themselves and everyone around them. To receive her free special report on Ten Traps Leaders Set for Themselves ~ and How to Avoid Them, visit www.UnleashTheExtraordinary.com.

Adventures in Authentic Leadership Small Group Coaching Series

If you are ready to shed the strings that keep you bound, consider enrolling in my upcoming small group coaching program, Adventures in Authentic Leadership. It is based on my upcoming book, The Pinocchio Principle ~ Becoming Real: Authentic Leadership for the 21st Century. We will be meeting for ninety minutes every other week fo at the Synchronistics office at 48th Street and Indian School Road in Phoenix, Arizona for a total of twelve sessions, starting in January. Because this is the first program of its kind, I am offering it at a low introductory price of $900 (that's $75 a session). Enrollment is limited to ten people. Dates and times TBD. Contact me if you are interested.

Coming Soon - The Pinocchio Principle ~ Becoming Real: Authentic Leadership for the 21st Century

I'm in the process of putting the finishing touches on my soon to be released book, The Pinocchio Principle ~ Becoming Real: Authentic Leadership for the 21st Century. The Pinocchio Principle was written as a roadmap to help each of us bring to fruition our greatest dreams and visions and better navigate through the perils and possibilities along the way. It is dedicated to allowing each of us to play a bigger, more significant and meaningful part in the world by unearthing our own leadership in ways that bring about a greater good - and showing others how to rise through our own example. My goal is to have it available in the fall. Stay tuned for more information.

Check out my new BLOG - Synchronistically Speaking:musings on life, learning and leadership at www.DianeBolden.com/wordpress

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