Diane Bolden’s Synchronistically Speaking

The Power of Gratitude

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.  It turns what we have into enough, and more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity… It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events.  Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”  ~ Melodie Beattie

Someone once sent me the above quote in a card.  I remember being very moved when I read it.  It speaks to our ability to interrupt what seems like a perpetual condition of restless yearning.  From such an early age, we become conditioned to always look for more – to achieve more, to have more, to become more.  With such an orientation, even the fruits of our labor are not fully embraced before we feel compelled to run off and do something else. 

Gratitude is a state of being rather than doing.  It is a matter of what we focus on.  All of our striving and yearning keeps us fixated on what we do not yet have, but desperately want.  It leaves us in a state of lack, feeling as though we must compensate for something.  Gratitude reverses that and allows us to soak up and truly experience the fullness of what is already ours.  In gratitude, we can fully appreciate the richness of life around us – no matter what it looks like.  From that state, we can more fully connect with those we love and appreciate and truly enjoy each moment as it unfolds. 

As I write this post, it is almost 7am on the morning of Thanksgiving in Phoenix, Arizona.  The sun has peeked over the horizon and my kids just wandered blurry eyed and fuzzy haired into the room, ready to greet a new day.  Many people are now engaging in preparations for a feast, to celebrate – if only for a day – the richness and bounty that is theirs.  But this state of appreciation and celebration does not need to stop after the day is done.

For all that we want, there is much that we already have.  As we shift our minds into states of gratitude, we are likely to act in ways that bring more to be thankful for.  As I love and appreciate the important people in my life, I become more loveable.  As I give my time and attention to others, I realize there is a place within me from which I have much more to give.  Even with the things I really want in life, I can begin to realize the small (and big ways) in which those things are already here – and be fully present to the manner in which they are already unfolding, trusting in life’s beautiful mystery.    

No matter who you are or what your current state of affairs, you have something to be grateful for.  It has been said that whatever your place your attention, energy and focus on will expand.  Perhaps this is the true art and power of gratitude – our ability to be in a place of joy and abundance and magnify it in such a way that it truly enhances the quality of our own lives, and everyone around us as well.

Happy Thanksgiving! 

 Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2009.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may also enjoy Give Presence.  Download this and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Mind Over Minutia

The other day I was out running with my dog and a song by the artist Jem came on my iPod.  “And so I pray,” she sang.  “I wish that all these things would go away.  To disappear if only for a day.  Know I can’t go but I don’t want to stay.”  I laughed as I thought of all the things on my growing to do list that I feel like I have to get done in order to do what really matters to me. 

Later that day I talked with a client who expressed frustration at having to go to this meeting and that, be involved in projects and committees he didn’t see the point of, thinking that if he didn’t have to do these things, perhaps he could do something really significant and meaningful.  In many of my meetings with clients, someone is lamenting over having to deal with a person they find difficult to work with (or be around) who has a way of throwing wet blankets on their greatest ideas, or roadblocks in the way of their progress.  Of course, I can relate to all of this.  I think we all can.  And yet, I have to believe that these little things that have a way of driving us crazy sometimes must serve some vital purpose in our lives. 

Repeatedly, I find myself encouraging my clients to envision that which they believe would be the ultimate for them.  For some it is becoming a C level leader, a best-selling author, an accomplished musician, a sought after professional.  For others it is better leveraging their talents in a way that allows them to get paid to do what they do best and most enjoy.  Perhaps it is simply learning to let go and enjoy the flow of life while maintaining a healthy work life balance and knowing that the work they do will allow them to have the financial resources necessary to get their needs met.  Do you have some secret dream of becoming more than you currently are?  Of tapping into the vast field of potential that lies waiting for you to discover it? 

See if you can envision what it would be like to have already achieved that dream.  Can you see through the eyes of someone who has already arrived?  Get into it.  Play with it.  Become it – if only in your mind.  Now, with that state of mind – what would you do differently in the face of all the challenges you have today?  Would you find ways to minimize the time you spend on trivial things so that you could pour more of yourself into what really matters?  Would you show up differently in those meetings, projects and tasks?  Would you get started on that project/venture/creation that has been quietly and persistently beckoning to you? Would you bring more of yourself to what you are doing?  Connect more deeply with others?  Be more present?  Could you find a way to transform your conflicts into opportunities for collaboration?

Albert Einstein once said “Problems cannot be solved from the same level of thinking from which they were created.”  We can elevate our thinking to break out of dynamics that keep us from getting where we most want to go.  We can see through the eyes of someone who has already fulfilled their greatest potential, and experience our current tasks and challenges as though we were reliving the memory of what it was like in the days before we achieved it.  Perhaps the very things we wish we didn’t have to do today are exactly what we need to prepare ourselves for where we most want to go. 

Whether I like it or not, my kids are video game fanatics.  They know that to get to level 8 of their favorite adventures, they must successfully complete levels 1 through 7.  When they are able to move through those lower levels with the skills and mindsets of the master, they will achieve their goal.  And then they are ready for newer, more difficult and increasingly exciting video games.  Perhaps the same is true for each of us in the bigger game of work and life.

What will you do today to play more fully?

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.  Fools stand on their island opportunities and look toward another land.  There is no other land, there is no other life but this.” 

~ Henry David Thoreau

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Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2009.  All rights reserved.

Woman with checklist picture by Feverpitched from Dreamstime.com.

Procrastination Perfected

I blocked the day off to write today.  This morning when I went to my computer, I noticed I wasn’t getting an internet connection.  I spent the next thirty five minutes on the phone with the cable company taking direction from a pleasant, but somewhat annoying computer generated voice that had me unplugging and replugging various devices.  When my signal finally returned, I happily dove into my email, saw a request from a client, and endeavored to fulfill it – figuring it would only take a few minutes.  Forty five minutes later, I realized that my Quickbooks program was inexplicably creating random invoices .  Looking into the situation, I saw some  numbers that were wrong and ended up spending the next hour and a half going from one screen to another, scratching my head.  While I was in there I thought it might be a good idea to get a better handle on my monthly expenses, so I did a review of them and created a spreadsheet.

My stomach started to churn, and realizing it was lunchtime I went into the kitchen to warm something up.  Eating in would allow me to save time, I figured.    And it did, until I brought my dirty dish to the sink and decided that I would feel better if I washed the other dirty dishes that were sitting there.  Scraping crusted cocoa puffs from plastic cereal bowls, I wistfully imagined the day my kids would actually learn to clean up after themselves.  Then I realized that I still needed to put together an art masterpiece presentation for my oldest son that I would be doing in his classroom tomorrow.  I pulled the packet from the pile of other things waiting for me to get to and went through the materials to see if the notes previous presenters left in there were adequate.  As I read, I became fascinated with the Chamash Indians, whose rock paintings the class would be discussing.  I did a quick internet search to see if I could unearth any additional interesting facts and ended up getting sucked into a related website on shamans and the role they played in ancient civilizations. 

Coming to my senses an hour later, I spent the next twenty five minutes creating a document for parents to explain what the kids would talk about and do in class during my time with them – all the while wondering if anyone ever really read those things.  And then I finally pulled the materials together and put them back in the packet, realizing that I pretty much had everything I needed for that project from the start and kicking myself for wasting so much time.  I looked at the clock and remembered that in an hour and a half I would need to pick my son up and take him to soccer practice.   Wow.  Woefully little time left.  I still needed to prepare for the client meetings I would be having the next day, and then I would take a shot at writing, I reasoned.  I spent the majority of my remaining time prepping, save for the two phone calls that shook my concentration and sent me back to my email to take action on them.  While I was there, I saw a new subscriber alert appear in my inbox. 

I suddenly realized why I felt so disappointed in myself.  It wasn’t that I didn’t accomplish anything of value (though I will concede that I did seem to spend time doing quite a few things that had little or no value).  I had broken a promise I made to myself and as a result got sucked into a myriad of activities that were completely unrelated to the one thing I really wanted to do today – WRITE.  The painful irony of it all is that what I blocked the day to work on was a new chapter of the book I’m writing – a chapter about – ready for this? – PROCRASTINATION and other AVOIDANCE MECHANISMS and DIVERSIONARY ACTIVITIES that keep us from unearthing our greatness.

That one new subscriber returned me to my place of power.  I had spent the day gripped by fear that kept me from rising above the minutia to do what was most important.  My fear was related to stories I have that convince me that writing will be harder than I think and that I may not be able to do justice to the subjects I feel called to write about.  In that one moment, reflecting on the fact that someone took the time to click that button and read my stuff helped me to remember that it isn’t really about me at all.  It is about what I can do for others.  And most of us can relate more to each other’s mistakes and missteps than we can to their successes. 

So, let the mistakes and sloppy writing rip.  Let the email wait.  Let the dishes sit.  Leave the bookeeping and other administrative tasks to people on my team that are far better qualified for and passionate about those tasks than I am.  If that new subscriber would have appeared this morning when I checked my email, would I have spent the day differently?  Probably.  Upon reviewing the day I thought of all the things I could have done to stay focused (tactics I teach my clients to use when they fall into the same traps I did – mostly because I need to learn them myself).  And then I realized that today’s experience inspired me to write this post – and gave me some great fodder for my new chapter.  Tomorrow will be a new day.  And I will rise to meet it with a greater source of energy and inspiration than I did today.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2009.  All rights reserved.

If you like this post, you might enjoy Stepping Up to Strategic Focus.  Download this and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles.  While you are there, you can also subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Living on the Job

Do you ever feel that work is something you must “make it through” in order to get to the weekend?  I think at one time or another we have all felt that way (myself included).   When you look at the way most of us are indoctrinated into the world of work, it is easy to understand why many compartmentalize and keep it separate from their personal lives.  Work, we are often told, is not supposed to be fun.  That’s why they call it work.

Yet most of us occupy more of our waking hours in this activity than any other.   For better or worse, we spend more time with our coworkers than we do with our own families.  To live a life that is truly meaningful, we must factor in this large part of our everyday lives.  Life is too short to only truly live after 5pm and on the weekends.  And if ever there were a place that offers us a chance to perform our God given talents in a way that makes even a little difference, it is at work – where we are surrounded by others with whom we can pool our energy and passion to create something worth working for.  Day after day, we return to another opportunity to shine. 

To what degree do you show up on the job?  I don’t mean physically – but mentally, spiritually, holistically.  Do you see your work day as a series of boxes to be checked so that you can go home?  Do you refrain from sharing your humor, your dreams, your honest opinions and wildest ideas with people while you are there?  If so, you may not only be cheating them, but also yourself.   

People I coach who desire greater satisfaction and fulfillment at work often believe things might be better in a different job, with a different boss, or even in a different organization or company altogether.  Some believe they must leave their current situation in order to make a bigger impact.  While this may be true, once they have decided they cannot find what they seek where they are, they risk cutting themselves off from achieving it at all.   We cannot put conditions on our ability to be the people we were meant to be.  Either we are doing it, or we are not. 

When we are aligned with our true selves – those parts of ourselves that are creative, unique, strong, inspired, connected, passionate, present, and of service to others – we will find joy and satisfaction wherever we are.  We can zone in on that which we would most like to do in the future, and find small ways to embody it now – no matter the circumstances we find ourselves in.  In the process, we will touch people’s lives and improve the quality of our own.  Challenges that require what we do best will find us, and as we rise up to meet them we will attract additional opportunities, resources, and people of like mind to assist us in rising to greater heights.   

In order to do this, we must resolve to live fully – both on and off the job.  In what ways might you have a greater opportunity to bring more of who you are to what you do?  What are you waiting for?  The world needs you now.

“Whatever you do in this life, take time to sit quietly and let the world tell you what it needs from you.  Take a moment to honestly understand what your gifts are – you all have them.  The way you choose to live your life brings meaning to your life.”  ~ Ann Reed

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2009.  All rights reserved.

If you like this post, you might enjoy You Can Be the Change We Need.  Download this and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles.  While you are there, you can also subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.

Defining Moments

As a part of my Transformations in Leadership workshops, I ask participants to write about their defining moments.  We all have them.  Sometimes while they are occurring, we feel as though everything is coming apart.  They can be uncomfortable experiences that we end up learning a lot from but would rather never repeat.  Pleasant or unpleasant, they are critical to our growth as they mark the passages that lead us to close one door and open another.  They may be dramatic changes that end up altering our jobs, environments or careers or they could simply be significant shifts in the way we view ourselves and the world around us.

One of my defining moments came after working for about a year at an advertising agency right after college.  Having yet to arrive at the realization of what I wanted to do with my life, I took the job because it had elements of what I studied in college:  English, business and communication – and because it sounded fun and interesting.  I started as an administrative assistant with the promise that it wouldn’t be long before I would be promoted into something a bit more substantive.

Turns out advertising just wasn’t my thing.  The work itself didn’t pique much interest in me, but I was intrigued with the organization and the people in it.  Turnover was high, morale was low, and the customer was an afterthought.  I knew that all that could be changed – that something could be done to allow people to feel more alive in their jobs, to ensure that the customer was happy, that the company was growing and profitable.  So I got to work talking to people. 

I interviewed smart, ambitious entry level personnel, who felt discouraged and overlooked when the jobs they were working toward were filled by people from outside of the company.  I talked to new creative staff and account executives who came in and hit the ground running, knowing little about the agency or its customer.  I spoke with seasoned executives who lamented that no one seemed to care about what was most important anymore.  I integrated all their insights, ideas and suggestions with my own observations and created a proposal to implement a program that would allow seasoned people to train and mentor newer folks, better integrate with the customer, and grow the business from within. 

Knowing little about corporate politics, I went straight to the VP of Operations with my proposal to create the program and allow me to run it.  He listened intently, asked several questions, and arranged subsequent meetings with others in the company.  It wasn’t long before a position was created.  My boss at the time, who wasn’t impressed with my lack of passion for being an administrative assistant or the fact that I went over her head with my proposal (which I never even told her I was working on) was outraged.  She called upon her networks to put a stop to things.  A few days later I was told that while the company was going to create the position and launch the program I proposed, because of all the controversy, they could not allow me to head it up.

I was crushed.  I remember walking across the agency’s glossy floors and out the tall glass double doors of the building to sit on a park bench.  I was burning with animosity, rage, and frustration at the seeming injustice of it all.  Sitting on that bench writing my letter of resignation with a shaky hand, the wave of anxiety eventually released me from its grip and I was overcome with a sense of calm clarity.  I was onto something here.  Maybe there was a way that I could work with corporations, organization and people themselves to bring out their latent talent and harness it in a way that could contribute to a common goal. 

That defining moment led me on a search that would allow me to find ways to do more of the work that beckoned to me.  It launched a chain of events that has led me to learn more about myself and make the most of experiences that would further prepare me for the work that I do now.  And I am grateful – so completely and utterly grateful – that it happened, though at the time I thought it was the worst possible thing. 

What were some of your defining moments?  What have they prepared you for?  As you look back, what have they taught you about yourself?  Perhaps you are experiencing a defining moment right now…  If as you read these words you are feeling disoriented, fearful, or even plain confused about a course of events that doesn’t seem to have any purpose other than to make life miserable, chances are you may be in the midst of one.  If you have not yet found the gift in the experience, rest assured that you soon will – if that is what you desire.  Chances are it will lead you to new frontiers that will allow you to breathe more life and love into everything you do.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2009.  All rights reserved.

Have an experience we can all learn from?  Please share it!

If you would like to read more about taking risks and learning from the outcome (regardless of whether it went the way you hoped it would), visit www.DianeBolden.com/articles and download “A Leader’s Leap.”  You might also like “Life’s Perfect Classroom”.  While you are there, sign up to begin receiving the Synchronistically Speaking ezine (it’s free) and receive a new article each month.