Diane Bolden’s Synchronistically Speaking

On the Verge of a New Chapter

 There is something magical about being at the threshold of a new year.  It is like climbing to the top of a long staircase to find ourselves on a landing, standing before a large glimmering door just waiting to be opened.  As we look down, we realize how far we have climbed to get here.  Yet we cannot help but wonder what lies behind the door. 

 Often we underestimate the amount of growth we have achieved until we take some time to reflect on the unique combination of experiences we have had that led to both successes and disappointments and what we have learned from them.  I often work with people who feel they are ready for a change, but aren’t sure what that change should be.  They aren’t necessarily miserable in their jobs or other areas of their lives – they just long for something that will fill them up in ways they haven’t been fulfilled in the past. 

 When I coach people who feel this way, they often want me to tell them what the next best step is – give them the answer, or perhaps a step by step process that will lead them to find what they seek.  Of course, no person has these answers for another.  Our greatest challenge and opportunity is to find them for ourselves. 

 I firmly believe that each of our lives has a story with perfect order and meaning.  As within a novel or a screen play, each character has a specific relationship to the main character and every scene has some relevance to his growth and evolution. There will be victories and disappointments, as well as twists and turns that transition us from one to another and back again.  We will have occasion to laugh, cry and experience a myriad of other emotions that are somewhere in between.  And as a result of this perfect combination of events and mini plots, we discover ourselves to be better people.

 When we are reading a book or watching a movie, the perfect order is often easier for us to see than it is for the characters enmeshed in the stories we are watching.  Yet the mystery and intrigue, the humor over each misstep and the courage we see the characters exude to find their way give substance to the story and allow us to leave the book or the theatre feeling moved or inspired in some way.

 As you look over the previous year, see if you can identify the most pivotal turns your story has taken.  What did you learn from them?  Think about your character sketch.  What are the endearing qualities you have that make you unique and special?  How can you leverage them to build on the previous events to create a story worth telling?

 Think also about the people that surround you.  In what ways are they helping you grow?  What are they teaching you about yourself – whether in joyful or painful ways?  And what are the qualities they possess that are similar to and different than yours?  How do you compliment each other, and what might it be that you can create together?

 As you sit at the threshold of another chapter in your story, contemplate what you you have already experienced and ask yourself how you might build upon it to add a bit of intrigue and adventure.  Identify the ways that you could add a little lightness and humor. Think about the interplay between the characters and how you could spice things up a little. 

 We have each been given the makings of a beautiful tale.  Open your eyes and survey them the way you would the perfectly planned detail of your favorite movie or novel.  Give yourself completely to the adventure, the possibilities, and the humor in your life. Then find a way to revel in the joy of living it.

 Happy New Year to all!  Wishing you all a bright, beautiful 2010.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2009.  All rights reserved.

 If you liked this post, you may also enjoy Life’s Perfect Classroom and In the Flow.  Download these and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Believing Is Seeing

The other day my kids had a play date with some friends and I overheard part of a conversation where one of them was telling the other that Santa Claus wasn’t real.  I heard my eight year old son vehemently defending the jolly old man, with elaborate explanations of why that which wasn’t easily proven was worthy of believing in anyway.  I had to laugh, as I flashed back to one of my own experiences with a little girl in my neighborhood who made fun of me for believing that a fat man in a red coat actually came down my chimney every year.  I was so mad that when she wasn’t looking, I broke all her crayons and put them back in the box (and spent the rest of that season worrying that my little passive aggressive outburst put me on the naughty list).

I have since learned that it is okay if everyone doesn’t believe the same things I do, and my son will learn that too.  But he is the one who taught me something that day.   I was buoyed by his unwavering belief and faith in something he’s never really seen and inspired by his example.   Regardless of what each child ends up getting for Christmas, I can’t help but believe that those who trust in something magical will experience that magic in ways the skeptics will not.  And I think the same is true in life.   

There will always be someone around to tell us what we want to create or accomplish cannot be done.  And there will also always be people who upon being so told, will do it anyway.  Their faith, determination and belief in something they have yet to see will allow them to persevere until their dreams become reality.   People in this second category do not need to engage in debates, for their actions are sufficient not only as a testament to what they believe, but as an inspiration to others who may begin to suspend their own doubt about what is possible.

One of my favorite authors on personal and spiritual growth, Alan Cohen, once said “You do not need to get others to believe in your truth.  You just need to live it.” 

In a world where much is uncertain and the old success formulas no longer seem to work, I believe it is more important than ever to trust in what we know to be true in hearts, even if our minds cannot figure it all out.  It may go against what we have been conditioned to believe, see and do, and perhaps this makes it even more important.  To bust out of old paradigms that keep us from realizing our greatness, perhaps we need to stop questioning what is possible and start challenging our limits instead.   As we do, we will begin to make manifest that which we previously only dreamed was possible, and through our example show others the way to rise.

I wish you a beautiful, sacred holiday and the realization of your most treasured dreams in the coming New Year.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2009.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may also enjoy Leader Know Thyself, You Can Be the Change We Need, and Leadership Lit Up.  Download these and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Santa Claus photo by StephenLance from Photobucket.com.

Space for Things to Come

Today is the last day of school before my kids will be home for two weeks of vacation.  I happily managed to clear my schedule for the next couple of weeks to enjoy them and the holidays.  As I write this, I have exactly three hours before their voices and laughter fill the house (which will inevitably give way to screams, whining and crying as soon as one of my three kids teases, taunts or takes something from another of them.)  I sit looking around my kitchen at dishes that need to be done, papers that must be reviewed, clutter that must be dealt with, presents that need wrapping and a whole host of unfinished business I’d like to have closure on before my attention becomes engulfed in the whirlwind that will arrive with my children.

Earlier today I lingered longer than I should have wistfully staring at bubble baths, lotions and scented candles whose labels promised clarity, relaxation and serenity – as though there really were a product that could create and sustain those states of mind.  It can all feel so overwhelming.  Along with the joy and merriment of the season come a few more balls thrown in the air that we all get to juggle along with those that are already in play.  It’s no wonder so many think of Christmas as a stressful season!   Over the next week, between last minute shopping, wrapping presents, building our traditional gingerbread house and begging and pleading with my kids to clean up after themselves, there is also a need to clear some space for what will soon be coming in.

In exactly a week, the pretty paper and shiny ribbons will give way to new things that eventually need to be put away – toys, clothes, gadgets and gizmos.  I’ve come to realize that my biggest challenge with keeping things organized and clutter free is finding a place for everything and ensuring that it all returns there when not in use anymore.  But before that can happen, the older stuff that has been outgrown or become obsolete must be removed.  As my husband often fondly reiterates, what we need is not more places to store our stuff – but less stuff.

Perhaps the same can be said for that which takes up space in our heads.  My state of overwhelm is as much a product of all the ideas and possibilities swirling around in my head and my heart that have no place to land yet, as it is all the physical clutter that surrounds me.  And my desire for serenity, clarity and order is more of a reflection of what I need to create for myself than anything else.  Doing so will require me to sort through more than just papers and possessions.   

As 2009 comes to a close, we do well not only to dream and conceptualize about what we want to create, do, have or be in the coming year – but also to identify what we can let go of to allow room for those things to come in.  To truly ring in the New Year and all it will bring, we need to contemplate our old ideas and beliefs about who we really are and what we are capable of.  Anything that is not aligned with where we want to go next must be challenged and released.  And we must loosen our grips on anything whose time has passed, as it is difficult to receive with clenched fists.

May the coming days and weeks find you intensely aware of and deeply connected to the beautiful changes that are unfolding all around you – and within you.   As the threshold of the New Year approaches, let us celebrate all that we have learned, created and achieved and begin to create ample space for all that we are becoming.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2009.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may also enjoy Room to Grow and Changing Tides.  Download these and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Leadership & Limbo Land

Yesterday I had a conversation with an exceptionally talented leader who went to great lengths to take on a flailing high profile project because he wanted to turn it around.    He explained his desire to continue onto new frontiers of increasingly difficult and expansive initiatives with the simple statement of, “you know, if you aren’t growing you’re dying.” 

Earlier this week, someone sent me an email containing a quote by Jack Canfield who said “Everything you want is outside your comfort zone.”   I had to stop and think about that one, because I wasn’t sure I agreed with it initially.  Lots of things I want are in my comfort zone because – well, they make me feel comfortable.  I made it through that initial period where I didn’t really know what I was doing and finally arrived at the place where I could successfully perform with a minimum of effort. 

But if I’m really honest with myself, I have to say that what beckons to me is outside of my comfort zone.  It is that which I dream about but am not sure how to do – the off road adventures that diverge from the paved path I have become accustomed to traveling.  And there’s danger there – real or perceived, the wheels could come off and I might find myself stranded and quite uncomfortable. 

But as I look back at my life, I realize that those periods of discomfort preceded some of the greatest accomplishments and most gratifying turns my life has taken.  In talking with others, I find many feel the same.  Some of us, like the leader I talked with yesterday, regularly seek out new growth.  Others find that it is ushered in via a variety of doors that seem to be closing and opening or a period of heightened dissatisfaction or restlessness that leads them to ponder what’s next.

Over the last few weeks and months it seems many of my clients have either experienced or are on the brink of undertaking dramatic changes in their lives and careers that will give way to entirely new worlds of possibility and unchartered territory.  I can relate to them, as I feel I am transitioning between two worlds myself – one that is known, predictable, and somewhat effortless and another that feels daunting, overwhelming and mysteriously promising.  I call this place limbo land. 

Limbo land is akin to chaos.  Merriam Webster defines chaos as “a state of things in which chance is supreme; the confused unorganized state of primordial matter before the creation of distinct forms.”  I suppose it is what the caterpillar experiences in the cocoon as everything it has once been completely dissolves to become something entirely new.  It is a period of undoing and non-doing that flies in the face of everything we are accustomed to.  Rather than moving full speed ahead, it is a time for reflection, integration and renewal. 

Yoga instructors often reiterate that it is the four to five minutes of a pose called Shivasana at the end of the class that are the most important.  During this time, the fifty to seventy minutes of engaging and stretching muscles give way to a period of laying flat on your back, letting go of everything and allowing your body to melt into the floor.  It is during this time that all the benefits of the previous activity take root.

As the year comes to an end, we see this practice in nature.  Many trees have lost their leaves and the grass and plants – even our hair grows slower.  Various animals hibernate.  It’s a great time to slow down long enough to look back over the year and reflect on where it has taken us and how it has prepared us for what lies ahead.  As we take stock of all that we have mastered, we can begin to give heed to that which is glimmering on the horizon and honor the ways in which we ourselves are evolving.   From this period of thoughtful reflection, we can revel in the progress we have made and ready ourselves for the adventures to come.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2009.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may also enjoy A Leader’s Leap and It’s a Stretch.  Download these and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Moments of Meaning

I’m sitting in my living room as I write this, looking at our Christmas tree.  It’s tall, beautiful and bare – the lights and ornaments are still in boxes in the garage along with the rest of holiday decorations waiting to be unearthed and put to use.  On my desk is a growing list of things to do – presents to buy, cards to send, and parties to plan for – amongst all the other things that need to be done that aren’t holiday related.   “You ready for Christmas?” people often ask each other.   I don’t know if I’m ever ready – from the standpoint of having all those boxes checked, anyway. 

I know there are people out there – you may be one of them – who finished their holiday shopping weeks ago, had their houses beautifully decorated on or before Thanksgiving day and seem to find the time to make cookies and fudge and send handmade cards to everyone they know.  I have secretly dreamt of being one of those people, and maybe someday I will be.  I’ve tended to identify more with those who dash to the mall on Christmas eve for that one last present they forgot about and return home to feverishly wrap gifts before people come over, hoping desperately for time to shower – all the while swearing that next year will be different.

It’s not the supreme organization of the people in the first category that I envy and admire, though I do also have secret dreams of eliminating the clutter that seems to find its way into every cabinet, closet, and drawer in our house (that’s a post for another time…).   What I really long for is the ability to simply enjoy every aspect of the holidays – to experience and celebrate its true meaning without feeling as though it is a race whose shotgun start I must have somehow missed.  It is a season of giving, of sharing, and of celebrating something bigger than ourselves – allowing it to bring us together and transform our everyday lives into something sacred.

I realize as I write these words that this opportunity is always available to us.  With every gift we buy or wrap, every card we send, every decoration we hang up, we have the ability to infuse it with presence – our ability to be truly engaged not only with whatever it is we are doing, but with the bigger reason of WHY we are doing it – even if we get a late start at it.  Perhaps the ideal is not in being able to do more things sooner, but to put more of ourselves into the things we are able to do now despite whatever circumstances we find ourselves in. 

When people take the time to do this – to really pour their hearts into whatever they are doing, you can feel it.  The cards that arrive in our mailbox that have been perfunctorily generated don’t seem to move us as much as those people have taken the time to hand write something in – even if it is just our name.  And the gifts that had some element of thought in them often end up meaning more to us than those someone spent a lot of money on.  The true spirit of giving is really more about the spirit than the gift itself.

And the spirit of giving and celebration doesn’t have to end once December is over.  We have the ability to enrich every moment of our lives with it.  Albert Camus once said, “Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present.”  That means forgetting about all our preoccupations and busyness and being right here, right now – truly engaged in the purpose of whatever it is we are doing and deeply connected to whoever we are with.  In business and in life, this seems to be a practice that separates the most truly prosperous and successful people from all the rest.  They have a knack for making people feel valued and for infusing meaning into whatever it is they do or invite others to do.  They spend their time doing what is most important and pour their hearts and souls into it.  As a result, they are living examples of whatever they believe most strongly in. 

Perhaps this is the true art of giving, living and leading – one that transcends holidays and spills over into our every day lives.  And maybe it’s never too late to start.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2009.  All rights reserved.

Christmas tree photo from Photobucket.com by AmethystOrbs.

If you like this post, you might also enjoy The Gift of Generosity, which will soon be published in my December ezine.  To subscribe (it’s free), go to www.DianeBolden.com.  As a bonus, I’ll send you my special report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.   You may also enjoy Give Presence.  Download this and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles.