Diane Bolden’s Synchronistically Speaking

Several years ago I was rushing around trying to get somewhere quickly while worrying about what felt like a million things that were competing for attention inside my head.  And then suddenly I felt the impact of a collision and the somewhat distinctive scent of burnt powder being released by the air bags in my car as my body was thrown into one of them.  Just like that, everything stopped.  And hours later, I sat in the passenger seat of a tow truck staring back at the crushed metal of the sports car I had purchased two months prior as my gaze went from the bed of the tow truck to the vehicles on the road below, each filled with people hurrying and scurrying to their destinations.  It was as though I had been yanked from my own frenetically chaotic routine and made to sit still while I objectively observed that same mindless mania from a distance.

Earlier this week, I sat in a cardiovascular intensive care unit watching my husband recover from the seven plus hour surgery he had just endured.  I felt a strangely similar sense of having been removed from the somewhat banal yet seemingly urgent tasks that tend to occupy my days and directly inserted into something that led me to feel as though time had somehow come to a complete halt.  It was as though the volume on all the background noise in my life had been somehow silenced to allow the most integral parts to have their solo.  Knowing that he was unconscious, but hoping he could somehow hear my voice or feel my presence, I realized words were completely inadequate to capture how I felt about him at that moment anyway – even if he could hear them.

All the craziness of the previous weeks somehow went away and everything that only one day before seemed so pivotal no longer even shared the same scale.  Life’s momentous events have a way of trumping everything else in such a way that we question what it was we were so worked up about before anyway.  And in these critical moments it seems the most vital things take on a razor-sharp focus.  We remember what is really important.  It’s as though we have been granted some kind of highly sophisticated vision that allows us to instantly and almost unconsciously differentiate the significant from the trivial.  We feel that which we know in our hearts with such strength and magnitude that it almost bursts right out of us.

As I looked around others in the ICU – patients as well as their family members, I realized that in these places, people are at their rawest and most human.  There are no facades, no airs, no agendas.  And it isn’t just the gowns that leave people feeling exposed.  We are ripped wide open in such a way that we come face to face with our very essence.  In these moments, life takes on new meaning.  These gut wrenching experiences that cut us to our cores give us the gift of returning us to our cores – so that we can remember how strong we really are, and come back to that which gives us true strength.  We awaken to what is most real within us and find the ability to connect to what is most real in others.

I don’t think the only way to experience such a profound wake-up call is through tragedy, illness or trauma.  We have the ability – and the choice – every day to pay attention to what we are paying attention to, and determine whether it is really worthy of our time and precious energy.  We can open our eyes to the unfolding of each moment and allow the questions that haunt and beckon in the furthest corners of our minds to become magnified in such a way that we cannot help but hear and respond to them. 

What gives your life meaning?

What are you really here to do?

…to be?

And are you doing it?

If not, when will you start?

How about now?

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

When I used to get hiccups as a kid, my father would tell me the best way to get rid of them was to wait for the next one.  Surprisingly, more often than not, it actually worked – almost as though inviting in the very thing I wanted to avoid had a way of ushering it out.  As I reflected on the previous week, I realized that I used a similar tactic a few days ago to help me shift out of a very negative state into a more positive one. 

It was a tough morning.  My body didn’t want to get out of bed, and even after I managed to get up it felt heavy and encumbered.  My mind matched that state, and everything I turned my attention on seemed to be darkened by a black fog that followed me everywhere I went.  In contrast, it was a gorgeous day outside.  No clouds, a cool bright morning, birds singing, etc., etc.  I decided to go out there and see if it might lift my spirits a bit. 

I made myself go running, though I would rather have sat staring zombie like into a cup of coffee.  It was harder than usual and the first several minutes of stiffness that usually give way to a state of flow felt more like an eternity.  I run because I enjoy it, I reminded myself.  But really I just wanted the whole excursion to be over.

I recalled my brother and me on boating outings with our grandparents when we were kids.  Every once in a while, we would anchor the boat near a shore where long, wild reeds would grow and the ground beneath the water would release stinky bubbles of putrid gas when our toes sunk deeply into the soft, squishy mud.  The more we stirred our feet the more rank the odor became.  I laughed as I realized that this foul stench was the closest thing I could think of to compare the state of my mind to at that very moment.

And then I began to become amused.  I was able to distance myself from the state itself and simply observe it, in much the same way that I observe and muse over my children when they wake up grouchy – these precious, sweet little souls who can behave like little %*#*’s at times.  I can be amused with them because I know eventually it will pass.  And in that moment I knew the same thing was true of my own condition. 

So I just gave myself to it.  Rather than resisting, I let the negativity bubble up inside of me and just take everything over.  But as I did, try as I might, there was a bigger, stronger part of me that was completely unaffected.  It was the part of me that was observing the whole thing.  The more entertained I became, the less of a foothold those foul emotions and thoughts had.  By the end of my run, I felt calmer, freer, and experiencing a far more productive and constructive state of mind.

We will all have moments when the skies of our minds seem to darken, when the very thing someone did yesterday that didn’t affect us at all will annoy the hell out of us, when even blue skies and babies fail to bring smiles to our faces.  But these moments will eventually  pass.  We need to realize that these states of mind are just that – states.  They pass just like the weather.  And sometimes the best thing we can do is simply allow ourselves to sit in the heart of the storm and watch.  If we can do this for ourselves, we can do this for others too.  Perhaps in this way, we can identify with the part of them that is stronger than the turbulences they are experiencing so that they can do the same for themselves.

Having weathered the storms of our minds, we can appreciate even more deeply the beauty of the clear, clean freshness that follows – and use it as a backdrop on which to create our own rainbows. 

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.”

~ Walt Disney

Recently, I had the enchanting experience of going to Disneyland with my husband and kids.  It was like stepping into a different world, one where the stresses and anxieties of the previous week simply melted away and the child in me emerged.  I was swept away by every intricate detail that was so carefully attended to by the myriad of people that make Disneyland what it is – from the towering castles and belly dropping rides to the placement of each flowering plant and the energy and appearance of every cast member. 

And then I was struck by the thought that everything I was experiencing – all of the wonder and the delight and the fantasy of this place – as well as all that is associated with it – the movies, cartoons, storybooks and extended media – ALL OF THIS began with a single thought in the mind of a man who took action to make it real.  I don’t know much about Walt Disney, but I imagine he was gripped by an idea – a dream and inspiration that captured his heart and burst inside of him until he was compelled to find the people and resources to make it happen. 

This guy had a vision that couldn’t help but be embraced by others.  It spoke to their hearts and their spirits and allowed them to be a part of something that did the same for everyone who came into contact with it.  Disneyland is the “happiest place on earth” because it brings out the best in everyone who experiences it.  It unlocks the magic each of us carry at some level in our being, and the most traditional of the fairy tales are about that very subject.  Even the performers in the various stages throughout the park sing refrains about looking within to find our heroes.  What an amazing creation!

Each of us gets these inspirations from time to time.  Ideas are a dime a dozen.  When was the last time you got one that made your hair stand on end?  And what did you do to take it to the next level of creation?  Did you dismiss it?  Think it was too big, or unrealistic to actually achieve?  Perhaps it is too big for just you.  But what if you were able to create a vision like Walt Disney did, that resonated in the very core of people who would gladly come to your aid to make it real? 

You have something in you that is waiting for you to unleash it into the world.  The very act of doing it will rock your world, and that of others as well.  Maybe it isn’t a multimillion dollar theme park, or a screen play, or an organization.  But whatever it is will carry the uniqueness of you – who you are – and the compilation of everything each of your individual experiences has prepared you for.  And if you bring it forward with the intention of making the world a better place, you will. 

Who are you to deny that you are meant for greatness?

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

The last several weeks have been fraught with technical challenges that almost had me throwing my computer through the window or taking a sledgehammer to it. Fortunately, I was able to resist my destructive urges and instead come to a realization that led me to some vital insights about better leveraging my time without losing my head (and other things that are important to me). Recognizing I’m not the only one who faces productivity issues, I decided to write about what I learned in my May ezine.  Below is an excerpt of the full article, Getting Out of Overwhelm, with a link to read more. 

If you would like to have these monthly articles emailed to you directly, you can subscribe at www.dianebolden.com  (and I’ll also send you my special report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves, and How to Avoid Them.)  

Getting Out of Overwhelm

Do you ever feel as though there just aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done?

Time is an interesting concept. On some days it seems to fly by and on others it drags. At times you might feel as though you have been muddling through something for hours with nothing to show for it, and at others you may find yourself experiencing a sudden burst of productivity and energy that allows you to do in a short amount of time what may have previously taken you several hours or even days. What is the differentiator? Wouldn’t it be great if there were some kind of lever you could pull inside yourself to get you into that productive zone?

Sometimes I just wish there were a lever to get me out of the zone that keeps me spinning from one thing to the next without making much progress on anything. Seems I’ve been in that place a lot lately. And curious by nature, I have done my best to pay attention to what I’ve been experiencing so that I can somehow make heads or tails of it. At times like these, often my surroundings have a way of reflecting back to me my own state. In this particular case, my computer was the perfect mirror.  Read more…

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.