Navigating Sudden Change
Ever notice that just when you get comfortable, life has a way of shaking things up? Some people seem to enjoy change more than others. Most of us prefer to be the ones doing the changing – it brings newness along with a sense of control – we are at the helms, steadfastly steering our ships. But imagine if you will, that a massive wave summoned by a hurricane has ripped the captain’s wheel right off the ship and you are left clinging to something that no longer has any power. The tighter you grip it, the less energy you have to deal with your circumstances in a way that will truly serve you (and everyone around you as well).
At times like these, we often pray for the storm to pass – for things to revert back to the way they were – or for a specific course of events that we believe would be life’s perfect solution. These solutions are based on what we think we know – which is largely a product of what we have already seen and experienced. And relying upon the patterns and strategies that worked for us in the past is often inadequate for our present and emerging challenges.
The world is changing and so are we.
We tend to strive for comfort and familiarity, even when what’s comfortable isn’t necessarily effective or even satisfying anymore. We wish and pray that the chaos be removed and order be restored. But often life’s little disturbances are exactly what we need to reach our true potential and escape complacency. Perhaps as Eckhardt Tolle wrote in The Power of Now, “…what’s appears to be in the way IS the way.”
Stormy seas (and life’s sudden surprises) have a way of testing our resolve and our resiliency. Pressure brings out our extremes – for better or worse. And fear does funny things to people. At its worst, it produces panic – a physical state that literally disables the brain’s ability to think clearly. At one extreme a person is frozen by fear and at the other he will thrash about like a drowning victim who pulls his rescuers under the water with him. The key to surviving a seeming assault of this kind is learning to relax and stay calmly aware of our surroundings so that we can identify and creatively utilize the resources at our disposal.
One of the most critical resources in our control when all else seems beyond it is our perspective. The way in which we view things determines the story we tell ourselves about what’s happening, which directly influences the responses we will have. If we believe we are helpless victims at the mercy of something that seeks to destroy us, we will become bitter, resentful and apathetic. In this state our true power remains dormant. We collude with our view of reality to create a condition that validates our doomsday stories and sink even deeper into the abyss. Those who try to rescue us from our self imposed paralysis risk being dragged beneath the current created by our own negativity.
If, however, we view our predicaments as adventures and see them as opportunities to give things all we’ve got, we reach deeply within ourselves and tap reserves of courage, wisdom and ingenuity we never realized we had. In the proverbial belly of the whale we find our inner grit and creatively rise up to life’s challenges in ways that transform us and everyone around us as well. We become the heroes of our own stories.
Regardless of who you are and what you do, there will come a time when the plateau you have been walking upon takes a steep turn in one direction or the other and you will be required to do something that stretches you beyond your usual way of doing things.
Perhaps it will be in your career. The work that fulfilled you at one point in your life may no longer be enough. You might find yourself doing something very well but suddenly devoid of the gusto you once did it with. It could be the company you keep – people who at one time shared your interests and passions but who you suddenly find yourself no longer wanting to spend a lot of time with. Maybe it will be your lifestyle. The objects and material possessions you that once gave you joy could one day feel more like clutter or distractions. These things become like shells that the hermit crab has outgrown. The crab must release its previous home and step bravely and vulnerably into the unknown in order to find something more spacious.
The quest for a new shell and even the new shell itself may feel daunting, clumsy and overwhelming. But the act of letting go of the old to make room for the new allows us to evolve and realize our true potential. Anything less will ultimately become imprisoning. When we allow ourselves room to grow, life’s little and big disturbances are not so daunting. We know there is more to us than meets the eye and finally step into our own greatness. And as we do this for ourselves, we model the way for others to do the same.
The above article contains excerpts from my new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be, available on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com.
For more on Navigating Sudden Change:
Ship photo by 1971yes from Bigstock.com.
Hermit crab photo by porbital from FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
Skiing Into (and Through) Fear
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you suddenly realized you were in way over your head? Maybe you weren’t sure you were ever going to get through it and had no idea what to do. This week’s video post is about an experience I had like that – on the ski slopes. It’s something I remember whenever I find myself in a jam, or consumed by fear or worry. I hope you enjoy it!
Here’s what I said in the video:
A few years ago I had the opportunity to go snow skiing, which I love to do and hadn’t done in years. I couldn’t wait to hit the slopes, and I knew I needed to start slowly because it had been a really long time. So I started off with easy runs and it wasn’t long before I said, “The heck with this, I’m going straight for the black run.”
I picked a run and got to the top of the hill. After pushing myself off and getting about a third of the way down I realized, “Oh my God, this is SO over my head!” There were moguls everywhere. I’m talking about three foot in diameter and about three foot high little hills — all next to each other.
To make things worse the slope of the hill was almost vertical. It was awful. I got about a third of the way down the hill and realized this was a mistake. I looked up and knew I couldn’t climb back to the top. And just at that moment this fog rolled in — fog so thick I felt like I could grab it and hold it in my hand. I couldn’t see more than three feet in front of me.
I panicked. All I wanted to do was get down the mountain. So I thought, “OK. I’m just going to go for it.” I pushed off and plop, came smacking down to the ground, skis flying in different directions. And then it took me 20 minutes to find them because I couldn’t see anything. I finally got my skis back on and tried it again and thwhap — same thing.
I thought, “I just have to figure this out from where I’m at.” I realized just about all I could see was the mogul in front of me and if I could just ski around the edge of the mogul and bend my legs in such a way that they absorbed the shock, I was able to get around that mogul and stop. Then I could look at the next mogul, ski around the edge of that and stop. I was making some progress. And then I looked down toward the end of the mountain and guess what? Totally wiped out again.
I realized, ”If I’m ever going to make it down this mountain I’m going to have to forget about reaching the bottom and take one mogul at a time and trust that I’m going to know exactly what I need to know how to make it — one mogul at a time.”
What I learned from that is to get out of fear you can’t go back into the past, and you can’t get preoccupied with what needs to happen in the future. You have to stay right in the moment and take it one moment at a time. And when you do, you will have everything you need to get through it.
You have everything you need in this moment.
You’ll have everything you need in the next moment too.
BE where you are.
Mountain photo by Sarah Nicholl from Dreamstime.com.
Surviving and Thriving in Change and Chaos
What if the only thing standing in your way of perfect peace, true productivity and the satisfaction of living a life of purpose – was your thinking?
Many of us are experiencing a great deal of pressure, anxiety and sudden change. Jobs are tenuous, organizations are restructuring, and it might feel as though life itself is turning upside down. Frustration and turmoil is a common response to this kind of uncertainty and disorientation. It can lead to exhaustion and hopelessness. But consider this as you think about the things in your life and career that may feel as though they are spinning out of control…
What if everything is perfect just the way it is?
No, I haven’t gone off the deep end. Bear with me here… One of the key attributes embodied by extraordinary leaders in all walks of life is encapsulated in the word “responsibility” – not just in a moral or ethical sense of being accountable for our actions, but also – and perhaps just as essential in times of change and chaos – remembering that there is wisdom in recognizing that we have the ability to choose our response – and that the response we choose will have a resounding impact on ourselves and everyone around us.
The greatest of change agents start by recognizing what they have to work with before they can create change that will be sustained. They assess their environment to determine what the best entry point for that change is before they make their move. They don’t waste their time worrying about things that are truly out of their control, like changing the weather. Instead, they focus their attention and energy on those things that they do have the ability to influence and start there. The greatest of leaders know that the most powerful and sustainable change must start from within themselves.
The thing that fascinates me about a seemingly chaotic state of affairs is not so much what is happening, but the stories we are telling ourselves about what it means and the impact those stories are having on the way we are responding to it. When we react to things with fear, we end up amplifying that which we are afraid of and adding to the anxiety. Our fears drive us to act in ways that keep us from acting on our intuition and finding the answers that will truly serve us. Sometimes, we end up behaving in ways that make our fictional stories become real.
As an example, when you tell yourself a story about what is happening that leaves you feeling threatened, you may find yourself closing up and treating others with suspicion and mistrust. The way you are behaving toward people may well provoke a response in them that appears to validate your fearful story. However, in this scenario, it is very likely that their behavior is more of a reaction to the actions your story led you to take than anything else.
Our fearful stories are like the viruses we protect our computers from. These nasty viruses are often embedded in emails that pique our curiosity or rouse our fear. When we unwittingly activate them, they spread often uncontrollably and we risk passing them to the computer of our friends, associates and countless others. The viruses corrupt our systems until they no longer function effectively. Like computer viruses, our stories have a way of spinning us out of control and interfering with our ability to rise up to our challenges to find the opportunity that is always there waiting for us to discover and leverage it.
Our rational minds want answers and security. They need to figure everything out and almost automatically occupy themselves with trying to sort through data to arrive at conclusions. The problem is that our minds are plugging imaginary variables into the equation that end up further exacerbating the anxiety we are already experiencing. When they are done with one variable, they plug in another and the churning continues, leaving us with an uneasiness that keeps us on edge.
In the grip of this madness, sometimes the best thing you can do is indulge your mind with a variable that will allow it to do its thing. Go ahead and plug in the worst case scenario. If the worst possible thing happened, what would you do? Alloy yourself to sit with that question for awhile. Let the fear move through you and keep asking the question, what would I do that would allow everything to be OK? If you sit long enough with your question, you will arrive at some workable alternatives and reconnect with that part of yourself that is strong, resourceful and resilient.
Armed with the knowledge that you will be OK even if the worst possible thing happens, you can come back into the present and recognize your fearful thoughts for what they are – fearful thoughts. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got, which I pass along frequently is don’t believe everything you think.
In the present moment, devoid of your stories about variables that are truly unknown, you are OK. And when new events begin to unfold, if you stay in the moment and access your inner wisdom, you will know exactly what you need to do – or not to do – to be OK then too. And as you go about your daily life in this way, your calm resolve will permeate your interactions with others and through your example, you will help others to rise up to their challenges in ways that unearth the greatness in themselves as well.
The above article contains excerpts from my new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be, available on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com.
For more on Surviving and Thriving in Change and Chaos:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
Finding Your Answer In the Midst of Chaos
Photo #1 by Kirill Zdorov from Dreamstime.com. Photo #2 by Valeriy Khromov from Dreamstime.com.
A Simple Little Shift
What’s not working in your life right now? Does it have you spinning into a bit of a tizzy? This week’s video features a story that might provide insight and inspiration to finding the solution you seek – by simply looking at your challenge again, with new eyes. I hope you enjoy it!
Here’s what I said in the video:
This clock belongs to a dear friend of mine, and she told me a story the other day that was just so enlightening to me. She gave me permission to retell it.
She loves this clock, just loves it. It matches her office beautifully. She has a couple of brushed steel lamps [that match], and it’s the perfect size, and she loves to look at it. But one day it stopped working.
So she went to put in new batteries and to her incredible disappointment, after she put the batteries in it, the clock still didn’t work. She wanted to have something in her office that was as beautiful, if not more beautiful, than this clock. So she did what any of us would do when we really love something enough that we want to replace it or replicate it. She drove all over town looking for a clock that was like this one — store after store after store. And finally she found one that wasn’t quite the same, but it would do.
So she brought it home and put the batteries in, and guess what — that clock didn’t work either! So she opened it up to take the batteries out and she realized, wait a minute – a light bulb went on in her head.
She went she got her old clock that she loved so much and thought she would try this again. So she opened the clock and put the battery in the opposite way – lo and behold it worked again.
I love this story, because it is so representative of we tend to do when something isn’t working. We run all over the place, rack our brains, and sometimes go to great lengths and great expense trying to come up with a solution, when all we needed to do was make a simple little shift using what we already have right in front of us.
Sometimes all you really need is a simple little shift.
Broken glasses picture by Edward Phillips from Dreamstime.com.
Getting What You Really Want
“What do you really want?” I often ask my clients. “What do you really want?” I often ask myself this too.
“I want things to go my way. I want to come out on top. I more wins and less losses. I want my problems to go away. I want to be profitable. I want to be successful. I want to be respected.”
These are some of the answers that come back to me when I ask that question of myself and/or others.
“OK. What would that give you?”
”What do you mean, what would that give me? It would give me what I want.”
If people aren’t actually saying that, there’s a good chance they are at least thinking it.
“So, if you got what you think you want, what would that give you?” I ask again.
“Oh. I don’t know. Peace of mind, I guess. Satisfaction. Happiness. A feeling that all is right in the world.”
“What if you could have that now?”
“Great. Sign me up.”
What if it really were that easy? Have you ever noticed that the quality of your day is a direct reflection of your thoughts? If we go into situations believing that we know exactly what must happen in order to achieve the state of satisfaction we want, we are placing conditions on a state of mind that is readily available to us anytime.
“Huh?”
Say you are about to go into a high pressure meeting. You have your agenda. You know what you need to do to come out on top. You believe that things must go a certain way in order for that to happen. You want to win, and you want to be respected. Anything less is unsatisfactory. Your mind is creating a situation where in order to win, people must bend to your will. And potentially, someone might have to lose. If things don’t go exactly the way you envision them, you will be disappointed. And if they do, someone else is likely to feel disappointed, or at the very least disrespected. The satisfaction and happiness you were seeking with a “win” is likely to fade quickly, leading you to believe you must get another “win” to sustain it.
What if you go into that same situation with a different goal, or intention? What if, instead of having everything figured out and sealed up front, you go in with the desire to agree on a solution that will be in the best interest of all parties — even if that solution is something you haven’t already considered? Your mind will begin to entertain the thought that there could actually be a situation in which everyone wins, including you. You will ask different questions. You will listen more intently. You will be more genuinely interested in what others have to say, because they are an important part of your solution. You will show respect to others, and in so doing become worthy of their respect.
What if you could take it a step further? What if you could hold the intention of allowing everyone to win in your mind before you even stepped into that meeting? What if as you began to create the ideal solution you did so with the knowing that everyone will walk away from that meeting feeling better than they did before it started? Could you feel the satisfaction of a pleasing solution before it has even materialized? And if you did, imagine what you would bring to that meeting. A quiet confidence. Faith. Trust. Patience. Confidence in the wisdom of the group. You may help them to consider the potential of a solution as a group that they didn’t previously realize was possible.
We are conditioned to believe that we have to do something in order to get that final end state we all want — something like get our way, accumulate things, prove ourselves, make a lot of money, etc. But what if the success equation were flipped? What if we started out with the state of mind that we most desire? From that state of mind, what actions would we choose?
“What do you really want?”
Ask yourself that question now, with regard to whatever your mind is occupied with.
“What would that give you?”
See if you can take it to a higher level — one that allows everyone involved to benefit in some way.
Can you imagine what that would be like? Can you feel the ultimate end state you want as though it has already happened, even though you have no idea how it will come to pass? Can you rest in the certainty that things will happen in everyone’s best interest?
Let your actions flow from the state of mind you wish to achieve. Over time, you’ll realize that instead of having to see it to believe it, what you see will be a direct reflection of what you believe. Allow yourself to believe in the highest possible good, and you will work miracles in your life and those of everyone around you as well.
For more on Getting What You Really Want:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
Seven Powerful Lessons for Living that I Learned by Writing a Book
Why Goals Will Only Get You Part Way There — and How to Bridge the Gap
Lightening Your Load: Mind Over Matter
Priorities, Productivity and Perspective
Getting Connected ~ What Intuition and the Internet Have in Common
Eye image by Ciprian Florin Dumitrescu from Dreamstime.com.
Thoughtful image by Anatoly TIplyashin from Dreamstime.com.
A Strategy for Overcoming Fear
This week’s post features a video that I initially didn’t equate with getting out of fear. In fact, I originally titled the video From Self Absorbed to Self Empowered. But after writing last week’s post, A New Way to Look at Fear, I realized that this video is actually a demonstration of one of the best ways I know to get out of fear. It’s simple, easy and powerful. I hope you enjoy it. And I encourage you try it for yourself. Let me know how it goes, will you?
Here’s what I said in the video:
One of the things I’ve found that helps me get out of my self – meaning out of my head – out of my self-absorbed preoccupation with worrying about how I look, how I come across, whether or not I can do something is to think about what I want to experience.
So one day I was playing with this affirmation or intention of what it was that I wanted. It started with “Let me see love.” Wouldn’t that be great to see love everywhere you look? That if even when the face of things don’t seem very lovely that I could see love.
Then I thought what would be even better is if I could feel love. So I could say “Let me feel love.” And how great is that? That I could relax in this comfort and feeling of just love everywhere.
And then I thought, “Well, how about if I give love? So let me give love.” How much better would that be because if I’m giving love, surely I’m feeling it! And if I’m feeling it, surely I’m seeing it.
And then it hit me that what I really want more than anything else is to be love. Let me BE love.
And I think with that intention, there’s probably nothing I can’t do.
For more on overcoming fear:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
Just Let it Rip – The Problem with Polished
Photograph by Fritz Langmann from http://www.dreamstime.com/free-stock-image-young-woman-appalled-rimagefree1828966-resi3423159.
A New Way to Look at Fear
I went up to Prescott, AZ over Labor Day weekend with my mother and my young daughter. There was an art festival in the town square, so the place was dotted with people and their dogs, meandering from booth to booth, admiring the wares and taking it all in. White tents and tall, willowy trees sheltered artisans and their customers from the bright sun and intense heat.
There was a lot of jewelry, handmade signs with clever quotes, t-shirts for people and their dogs, hand crafted furniture, blankets, tablecloths, framed photography, bird houses. If you could think of something that could be artfully designed and hand crafted, there was probably a booth for it in the Prescott square last weekend.
Some of my favorite booths were the ones with food in them. Freshly dipped caramel apples rolled in peanuts or toffee, kettle corn popped in large copper drums, homemade tamales, chocolate dipped cheesecake. And, oh, the best freshly squeezed lemonade ever, made with generous portions of sugar and large juicy lemons whose rinds floated in the clear plastic dispensers.
I was standing in a rather long line for one of those lemonades when I became acutely aware of the presence of swarms of bees flying around me and everyone else, hovering over people’s cups and food, and even landing on shoulders, arms, and clothing. People squirmed in their shoes, swatted them away, and some ran out of the line altogether.
Look at all these bees! I said to my daughter. A low, gravelly voice from behind me rose above the clamor. “Don’t be afraid,” it said.
I turned to see an older man with a closely trimmed white beard and long white eyebrows. His eyes twinkled and dimples appeared below his cheeks as he smiled. I looked at him and smiled back. “Don’t be afraid,” he continued. “Bees only sting when they sense fear.” He rocked back and forth on his feet, with his fingers wrapped comfortably aroun
d the straps of his faded overalls. “It’s true!” He insisted.
Hmmn. What an interesting thought. Is it true? I don’t know. I wouldn’t doubt it.
It got me thinking about fear in general, and the correlation it often has with unfortunate circumstances. Fear is widely considered to be the effect of an unpleasant and often painful stimulus. But the cause?
Could it be true that fear itself brings about some of the unfortunate circumstances that we are often most afraid of?
I think it’s entirely possible. When we are afraid, we get consumed with thinking we need to protect ourselves, have the last word, save face. We become far more occupied with getting than giving. A fearful response is often an overly aggressive one – one that can create more problems than it solves, and one that might otherwise be deemed as unnecessary. We say and do things we later regret. We can panic and engage in irrational and even hurtful behavior. And we cut ourselves off from the wisdom and insights we would otherwise be able to tap to constructively resolve our differences and creatively rise up to our challenges. Our solutions tend to be half baked and often unsatisfying – as well as short lived.
But how do you override that somewhat instinctive and often knee jerk, fear filled response to what you believe could hurt you?
“Don’t be afraid,” the white haired man said. Easy for you to say, buddy. He obviously sees bees differently than I do, or at least have in the past.
And maybe that’s the answer. Maybe it’s about learning to see things differently. Maybe it’s about questioning what we’ve come to believe and learning a different response – one that is more grounded, centered, and thoughtful. Perhaps it’s about trying something we’ve never had the presence of mind to consider.
The woman behind the counter handed me my lemonade and a single bee came along for the ride. It followed us throughout the square, from booth to booth, hovering around the large waxy cup that contained the sweet, refreshing liquid we waited in line for over ten minutes to receive. At one point, it landed on my shirt sleeve. I felt my blood pressure rise and took a deep breath. What if I get stung? I tried not to think about it. It flew away and came back a few seconds later.
We couldn’t help ourselves. We shooed it away with our napkins. It kept flying back. We tried hard to stay brave and calm, but we kept our napkins unfurled and continued to flap them around whenever the bee got too close.
We made it home without any bee stings. But the wheels in my mind are still turning at the thought that perhaps there is a different response available in every fear filled situation – one that will gently reveal itself to us when we learn to reframe what we see in such a way that it is no longer a threat. Is it possible?
One thing is for sure: the next time I begin to feel that familiar rush of adrenaline, I’ll think back to that white-haired man in his frayed overalls, with a large grin on his face and a quiet wisdom in those sparkling eyes. “Don’t be afraid. They only sting when they sense fear.”
For more on Redefining Fear:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
Finding Your Answer In the Midst of Chaos
Bee image by alle from BigstockPhoto.com.
An Easier Way to Find Your Way
Have you ever set a goal for yourself that left you feeling less than fulfilled when you actually achieved it?
Maybe it was a target you wanted to meet, a possession you longed to acquire, or a promotion you were hoping to receive. You kept your eye on the ball and hunkered down to do whatever it took to get there. When obstacles presented themselves, you busted through them and may have felt as though you were repeatedly banging your head against a wall. “The reward for your exhaustion would be the sweet taste of victory in the end,” you may have told yourself.
I did. And when I got to the top of the hill I was climbing I realized the mountain I was scaling was not mine, but someone else’s.
What if it didn’t have to be that hard?
Now, don’t get me wrong – I don’t expect to be carried around on a stretcher, nor would I want to be. But I do think it’s possible to enjoy the journey a little more. And if we didn’t insist on having to blaze the trail in front of us, we might find that off in the distance a lovely path is being revealed – if only we would stop long enough to pay attention.
When I take on new clients, they are often in the same state I have often found myself in. They have worked hard to get somewhere, but they know in their hearts there is something greater available to them. Perhaps they haven’t been getting the results they wanted, have been experiencing a great deal of stress or even burnout, or are just ready for a change. During times like these often the best thing we can do is not to speed up, but to slow down – way down.
If the path you’re running on isn’t getting you where you want to go, moving faster won’t do you any favors.
I have found over the years that the best leaders are not those who have all the answers, but rather those who ask the best questions. What are the possibilities? What are the opportunities? How are we uniquely positioned to make the most of them? In what ways can we leverage our strengths to rise up to our challenges? In asking such questions, these leaders bring to the surface answers, insights and knowledge people hold inside that allow great things to happen. Rather than imposing a vision on others, they allow it to develop collectively, with the knowledge that they can’t possibly see and accomplish everything singlehandedly.
Before these great leaders can do this for others, they must do it for themselves. So I challenge you (and myself as well) to focus on asking the important questions and to be still long enough to hear the answers.
In Native American cultures, young adults are sent on vision quests. These rituals involve sending the youth on a journey, packed with provisions that allow basic needs to be met. Instructions are simply to wander around and find a place that calls to them. Upon doing so, further direction is simply to sit and reflect. The belief behind this is that we do not necessarily need to actively find our vision. When we quiet ourselves and pay attention, our visions find us.
In our complex society, few of us have the time to go wander around the desert and sit for indefinite periods of time. So we need to make the time in our busy schedules to connect the dots. This may be a few minutes here and there. You may find yourself repeatedly daydreaming about something, or playfully entertaining an idea or possibility that will not allow itself to be dismissed.
These are critical pieces of information that, like pieces of a puzzle, will eventually come together to reveal a bigger picture. Pay attention to them, and do whatever is necessary to nurture and protect them. Capture these thoughts on paper or in your computer and add to them as new ideas continue to emerge. Some of these nuggets will become more valuable to you than others – like gold in the miner’s pan, they will begin to shine amongst the grains of sand.
Notice also the synchronicities that occur all around you that help make your visions real – chance encounters with people uniquely connected or qualified to help you, valuable information that effortlessly comes your way, and little serendipities that allow you to feel as though you are in the flow of something bigger than yourself. Chances are, you will be.
Enjoy the ride!
This article contains an exerpt from my new book The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be, available on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com.
For more on Finding Your Way:
Deciphering Signs, Synchronicities and Meaningful Coincidences
In Search of Greatness: Finding Your Zone
Businessman picture by Nikola Hristovski from Dreamstime.com.
Jigsaw picture by Jasenka from Dreamstime.com.
Can You Take a Compliment?
Do you remember the last time someone gave you praise? Did you let their compliment land? Or did you feel the need to deflect it? This week’s video post was motivated by an observation I had about my own behavior and a surprising insight that came when I stopped to really think about it.
If you like it, pass it on. Tweet
Here’s what I said in the video:
I don’t deserve that. What’s this? This is SO not true. Oh, this isn’t for me – this is for her. What are you giving me this for? I don’t want that! I don’t deserve that.
You think I’m good? I’ll give you ten reasons why I’m not.
Do you have trouble taking a compliment? A lot of us do. You know, we were brought up to thinking that it’s not good to toot your own horn and that you shouldn’t draw attention to yourself. But the thing we don’t realize is that when we don’t take people’s compliments, we’re basically telling them that their opinions don’t matter. Telling them that what they think has little, if any, impact on us and that we really don’t care what they think. Most of us would hate to tell anybody that.
So, the next time someone gives you a compliment, realize, it’s a gift.
Good things are always coming your way. Are you willing to receive them?
Thumb photo by Craig Hill from Dreamstime.com.
Riding the Wave of Chaos
My kitchen looks like a bomb went off in it. Papers strewn over the counters amidst puddles of green smoothie remnants from this morning’s attempt to consume a healthy breakfast. A bottle of maple syrup with sticky liquid oozing from the cap into small droplets down the front of the label and onto the counter. Half eaten waffles on a paper plate sitting on the kitchen table. Last night’s dinner dishes still in the sink waiting for a bath.
School is back in session. No more lazy mornings letting the kids sleep in until they feel good and ready to emerge from their soft, cool sheets. Alarm clocks blazing. Pillows shielding their eyes from the sun as the cruel window shades open to the blinding light of the morning. ” Ten more minutes!”, they shout.
“Nope. Time to get up.”
I stumble into my home office to be greeted with a foul stench. One of the animals has found a convenient place to relieve herself. I locate the offending pile of poop on the floor right next to my hard drive. It is a bit runny. Probably from our cat, wildly jealous of the new kitten that has just learned to use the litter box the two of them will share (well, hopefully will share) at some point in the near future. I scoop the mess from the floor and carefully wipe down the cords, trying really hard not to hurl.
Lunches need to be prepared. Homework journals must be signed. Three kids need to be shuttled to two different schools. We have been catapulted back into a very segmented time regimen that we are just not quite in sync with yet.
8:03am. Time to pile into the car for the first trip out. We get halfway to our destination when my son realizes the report he has worked like a dog all weekend to complete is sitting in its shiny report binder on the coffee table. Cranking my steering wheel to make a U turn in heavy morning traffic, I can feel panic rising in my sweet young son. He knows he’ll be late on the first full week of school. His breathing is shallow. His shoulders are tight. His jaw is clenched.
I know that look. I’ve embodied that look. My heart goes out to him.
Where’s my coffee? I forgot to make myself a cup of coffee. I take a deep breath and try to calm my son. He doesn’t feel like chatting.
We ride in silence to the house. He springs from the car and bursts through the door with me on his heels. We are on a mission. We find the report and leap back into the car. When we reach the school, he slinks out, hangs his head and makes his way to class.
I breathe in and out. Gotta get home and shuttle the second group in now.
My daughter is sitting on the kitchen floor cleaning her white tennis shoes with a toothbrush. My son is at the computer playing his favorite video game. I silently pray that their backpacks are somewhere in the near vicinity, with all the important papers and folders inside. Fate smiles on me and they are good to go. My car drives on familiar tracks to their school, around the turnaround and through the drop off area. Hugs and kisses. The door closes. And I am free.
Except for the kitchen. And the fact that I have a meeting in thirty five minutes that I am not quite ready for.
WRITE! The voice inside my head is talking to me. WRITE NOW.
I think of the dishes. My hair needs brushing. And I’m not so sure about my wardrobe selection. I sit at the computer and place my hands on the keyboard. I begin to type.
What I realize now is that I have just stepped through chaos into a different zone. The wave came at me. It was high. It was strong. Powerful. But this morning I didn’t fight it. I let it take me for a ride. I remembered to breathe. And I’m still in the chaos.
I’ve had mornings like this where I ended up bruised and beaten, hurled onto the shore with arms flailing, trying to fight the wave and make everything happen the way I thought it should. I’ve crawled sputtering to the beach exhausted and worn out, all my energy spent rebelling against the unforeseen forces that thrust me unwillingly into chaos. But not today. Today, I feel good.
My heart goes out to my son. But I know that this is only one of a number of experiences he will have that will teach him something he’ll find useful at some point in his future. He may never realize how important it was or how it shaped him. He will likely have a few more of those mornings. And so will I. Gradually, he will make different choices. He will learn to breathe. He will learn to relax and take whatever comes to him with grace and determination. If he has enough of these experiences, he may even become unflappable.
Ride the wave. Even if it takes you under. You’ll come out on top eventually. Remember to breathe when you have the opportunity to come up for air.
And seize the moment to do whatever your gut tells you to. Even if at the time it seems like the craziest thing you could possibly think of.
My hair still needs brushing. But I’m more ready now for that morning meeting that I ever would have been if I hadn’t stopped to reflect, ponder, and WRITE.
The dishes will get done when it is time. The cat will poop where it will. And what I’m wearing isn’t nearly as important as how I feel. Hello new day. I’m here.
Today, I’m REALLY here.
For more on riding the wave of chaos:
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
Finding Your Answer In the Midst of Chaos
Wave picture by Kaz Sano from Dreamstime.com.
Diane Bolden is passionate about working with leaders to unleash human potential. An executive coach, speaker, author and organization development professional with more than 19 years of experience in leadership development, coaching and consulting, Diane has worked with managers, directors and vice presidents/officers in Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations to achieve higher levels of performance and success
