Diane Bolden’s Synchronistically Speaking

In the Shadow of a Daunting Task

Do  you ever get to a place where you’ve just run out of energy and feel like you simply can’t do another thing?  For many, this seems to happen around 3pm or so – or right after lunch.  I used to think it was just a biological phenomonenon – perhaps the effect of having to digest food, or needing to eat some.  I’ve tried chocolate, but it never quite works as well as I’d like it to - and it just leaves me wanting more.

 This afternoon, I felt like I hit a wall.  And I did.  It was physical as well as mental.  I actually felt the wall go up as I contemplated a list I recently made of all that I hope to accomplish in the coming weeks and months and tried to figure out where (and how) to start.  The sensation originated in my stomach and rose slowly up my chest, kind of like heartburn.  Then it sunk heavily like a boulder thrown into a pond, covering my mind with muddy residue.    My impulse was to escape.  So I left my computer and took a short break, slumping into an overstuffed chair and closing my eyes for a minute.

 As I sat there, I began to think about my state and see if I could identify its cause.  It was not an unfamiliar feeling.  I had experienced it a few weeks ago after our dog tore into a bag of garbage containing remnants of the previous evening’s dinner and spread it all over the yard – and again right after I opened the box containing my new wireless printer and sat staring with an aching head at instructions that may as well have been in a different language.  (That printer is still in the box, by the way.)   And then I realized that it wasn’t the work ahead of me that was causing me the angst as much as what I was believing about it. 

 At bedtime, when my kids were young, they would get scared by shapes in their room that they couldn’t make out.  In the absence of information, they created their own stories about what they were seeing, which usually involved some kind of monster or other unwelcome guest.  But once the lights were flipped on and they realized the shadows were simply the product of a jacket thrown over the back of a chair or a teddy bear with a large hat, they settled back into their beds and slept peacefully.

 I think we do this all the time with the projects and tasks we face on a regular basis – and sadly, also with our grandest dreams and visions.  In the light of day, we see them glimmer with promise and possibility.  But in the dark, our doubts and fears creep in and have a way of distorting things.  This is the point where the skeptics welcome the optimists to reality.  But it isn’t reality at all.  It is an illusion that has been created by a frightened mind.

 The stories we tell ourselves in the dark are those of peril and potential failure.  In the absence of knowing exactly what it will take to accomplish the task, project or dream and whether we will be able to execute on it, we begin to identify with our doubt which amplifies the enormity what lies before us.  The shadow of a task magnified becomes a feat that feels insurmountable.  But flip on the lights and challenge the assumptions that make a creation feel heavy, and it becomes a collection of smaller pieces that can be gradually assembled over time.  As Lao Tzu once said, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

 Whenever I feel the heaviness that comes with writing the book I started over three years ago, I know that I have entered my dark room.  In the absence of light, I am prone to question my ability and my nerve, compare myself to others, and amplify the work it will take to finish the darn thing.  The darkness has a way of casting shadows on everything else that needs to get done as well. But in the light, I realize all I need to do is write a page – and then another – and then another.  And each seemingly insurmountable task can be broken down into a simpler component that I can get through with even just a little effort.  I can breathe through my fear and move into each experience, letting go of the outcome and enjoying the process itself. 

 When I stop to think about it, cleaning up the garbage the dog scattered around the yard wasn’t nearly so miserable as I thought it would be.  And setting up the printer probably won’t be either.  The other, higher aspirations can be approached in a lighter, simpler manner as well.  With this in mind, I will keep on writing… one page at a time. 

 Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may also enjoy Stepping Up to Strategic Focus and Leadership Lit Up.  Download these and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Believing Is Seeing

The other day my kids had a play date with some friends and I overheard part of a conversation where one of them was telling the other that Santa Claus wasn’t real.  I heard my eight year old son vehemently defending the jolly old man, with elaborate explanations of why that which wasn’t easily proven was worthy of believing in anyway.  I had to laugh, as I flashed back to one of my own experiences with a little girl in my neighborhood who made fun of me for believing that a fat man in a red coat actually came down my chimney every year.  I was so mad that when she wasn’t looking, I broke all her crayons and put them back in the box (and spent the rest of that season worrying that my little passive aggressive outburst put me on the naughty list).

I have since learned that it is okay if everyone doesn’t believe the same things I do, and my son will learn that too.  But he is the one who taught me something that day.   I was buoyed by his unwavering belief and faith in something he’s never really seen and inspired by his example.   Regardless of what each child ends up getting for Christmas, I can’t help but believe that those who trust in something magical will experience that magic in ways the skeptics will not.  And I think the same is true in life.   

There will always be someone around to tell us what we want to create or accomplish cannot be done.  And there will also always be people who upon being so told, will do it anyway.  Their faith, determination and belief in something they have yet to see will allow them to persevere until their dreams become reality.   People in this second category do not need to engage in debates, for their actions are sufficient not only as a testament to what they believe, but as an inspiration to others who may begin to suspend their own doubt about what is possible.

One of my favorite authors on personal and spiritual growth, Alan Cohen, once said “You do not need to get others to believe in your truth.  You just need to live it.” 

In a world where much is uncertain and the old success formulas no longer seem to work, I believe it is more important than ever to trust in what we know to be true in hearts, even if our minds cannot figure it all out.  It may go against what we have been conditioned to believe, see and do, and perhaps this makes it even more important.  To bust out of old paradigms that keep us from realizing our greatness, perhaps we need to stop questioning what is possible and start challenging our limits instead.   As we do, we will begin to make manifest that which we previously only dreamed was possible, and through our example show others the way to rise.

I wish you a beautiful, sacred holiday and the realization of your most treasured dreams in the coming New Year.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2009.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may also enjoy Leader Know Thyself, You Can Be the Change We Need, and Leadership Lit Up.  Download these and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Santa Claus photo by StephenLance from Photobucket.com.