Diane Bolden’s Synchronistically Speaking

“Every master was once a disaster.”

I heard someone say that the other day in a yoga class.  It gave me comfort.  Because I am all too familiar with that awkward, humbling stage that comes with learning something new – when you want to run with the stallions but feel more like a donkey.  It’s a universal phenomenon, really.  Ralph Waldo Emerson reminds us that “Every artist was once an amateur.”

 We can all learn a lot about our paths to proficiency by looking at the ways in which we have mastered things over the course of our lives – whether it be how to drive a car, play our favorite sport, or take up a new hobby.  Today, as I was finishing my yoga class, I realized how my experiences on my yoga mat mirror those in my life – and how I can transfer my learnings from one arena to the other.  For what it’s worth, I thought I’d share a few of my insights.

(1) There is power in persistent practice.   Every once in awhile a yoga instructor demonstrates a pose that evokes a “you’ve got to be kidding” response from me.  I always give it a try, and usually the first time I do I look a lot like I feel – completely inept.  There is one pose that I have recently dreaded and just about every time I’ve gone to yoga for the last few weeks, this instructor builds it into the class.  Ugh.  Not again.  But I muster up my strength and give it a shot every time, and I have to say it gradually has become less and less onerous to me.  This morning I was actually able to hold the pose – it was only for a few seconds – but I did it!  And I realize the more I practice, the better I will get at that and the easier and more fun it will become. 

Isn’t that like life, though?  Every day there are things you can sail through and then there will be those areas that require a lot of hard work, practice and patience before you can feel even the least bit effective.  But if you keep at it, one day you will surprise yourself with how far you have come.  And everything that led up to that point will be worth it. 

(2) Learn from and admire others, but don’t compare yourself to them.  Sometimes this is a thin line.  As a novice, you need to watch people perform so that you can see how things are done.  And even as you get pretty good, you can still learn a lot from others’ examples.  But the minute you begin to compare yourself, you will lose your focus and dilute your effectiveness.  This is true regardless of whether comparing yourself to others makes you feel inferior or superior.  Let me explain.

In yoga, when I watch someone do something to get the proper technique and admire their grace, I can pick up a few tips and then concentrate on getting into my zone so I can do what I need to in the way I need to do it.  But the minute I look over at the person next to me to see if I’m doing better or worse, I lose my balance and fall down.  I have learned that the same thing holds true in my personal and professional life as well.

When we gauge how well we are doing by comparing ourselves to others, the energy and focus that is required to perform effectively becomes scattered.  When you believe you are not measuring up, the confidence that is vital to your success gets sapped.  And if you do not believe you can do something, you will inevitably prove yourself right.  On the other end of the spectrum, when you believe you are outperforming others and become a little too smug, your confidence can turn into arrogance which shifts your focus from what you are doing to how others are perceiving you.  And anything that is more focused on appearances than substance lacks foundation and eventually crumbles. 

The best of the best gain their confidence from within – as a product of their effort, focus, and the results that come with effort and focus.  They don’t need to compare themselves to other to know that they are good – or to know that they can get even better.

(3) Lighten up and have some fun.  In yoga, the instructors are quick to remind people that falling over is par for the course and that the important thing is to just keep on trying – and to play at it.  The people in those classes who seem so good at yoga that they could be teaching the class themselves are the first to tell you about how many times they fell over or how long it took them to get to where they are.  And they will also tell you that they still fall occasionally.  Why?  Because once you master something in yoga, there is always a way to deepen the pose or increase the level of difficulty.  But when you challenge your balance and fall out of it, you learn what you need to do to stay in it longer next time.  That’s how mastery happens.

The same thing is true in life.  When we get all balled up in knots trying to make things perfect and avoiding every possible misstep, we risk becoming stagnant and playing small.  Getting too attached to the results leads us to stiffen up and become consumed with needing things to happen in the exact way we want them to.  Without flexibility, we lose our ability to bend and make the necessary course corrections that allow us to ultimately excel.  If you ever look at the top performers in any industry, sport, or artistic endeavor you will notice that accompanying their intensity is an ability to relax into their game in such a way that it appears easy and natural.  The ability to play at work is another mark of the master.

(4) Replenish yourself regularly.  My favorite part of yoga is the last five minutes of each class.  They call it Shivasana.  It’s where the previous fifty to eighty minutes of stretching, strengthening and balancing give way to lying flat on your back relaxing every muscle of your body.  It is in these last few moments of the class, the instructors will tell you, that all the benefits of the practice take root.  In these moments, the mind becomes clear, and stress and tension melt away.  The end result is a feeling of freshness and revitalized energy that lasts throughout the day. 

In our frenetic lives, it is easy to forget about the importance of pausing every once in awhile to make the most of our experiences – whether by giving ourselves a needed break, or simply taking a moment to assess where we are going, to what degree we are still on course, and what, if any, course corrections are necessary.  Being willing to invest our precious time into replenishing ourselves in this way pays handsome dividends – and sometimes the times we think we can’t afford to slow down are in fact the times we cannot afford not to. 

My new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be is about getting back to the basics of who you really are, what you are here to accomplish, and how you can unearth your greatness in a way that inspires others to do the same.  It is now available on Amazon. 

Picture by Vvvstep from Dreamstime.com.

Defining Moments

As a part of my Transformations in Leadership workshops, I ask participants to write about their defining moments.  We all have them.  Sometimes while they are occurring, we feel as though everything is coming apart.  They can be uncomfortable experiences that we end up learning a lot from but would rather never repeat.  Pleasant or unpleasant, they are critical to our growth as they mark the passages that lead us to close one door and open another.  They may be dramatic changes that end up altering our jobs, environments or careers or they could simply be significant shifts in the way we view ourselves and the world around us.

One of my defining moments came after working for about a year at an advertising agency right after college.  Having yet to arrive at the realization of what I wanted to do with my life, I took the job because it had elements of what I studied in college:  English, business and communication – and because it sounded fun and interesting.  I started as an administrative assistant with the promise that it wouldn’t be long before I would be promoted into something a bit more substantive.

Turns out advertising just wasn’t my thing.  The work itself didn’t pique much interest in me, but I was intrigued with the organization and the people in it.  Turnover was high, morale was low, and the customer was an afterthought.  I knew that all that could be changed – that something could be done to allow people to feel more alive in their jobs, to ensure that the customer was happy, that the company was growing and profitable.  So I got to work talking to people. 

I interviewed smart, ambitious entry level personnel, who felt discouraged and overlooked when the jobs they were working toward were filled by people from outside of the company.  I talked to new creative staff and account executives who came in and hit the ground running, knowing little about the agency or its customer.  I spoke with seasoned executives who lamented that no one seemed to care about what was most important anymore.  I integrated all their insights, ideas and suggestions with my own observations and created a proposal to implement a program that would allow seasoned people to train and mentor newer folks, better integrate with the customer, and grow the business from within. 

Knowing little about corporate politics, I went straight to the VP of Operations with my proposal to create the program and allow me to run it.  He listened intently, asked several questions, and arranged subsequent meetings with others in the company.  It wasn’t long before a position was created.  My boss at the time, who wasn’t impressed with my lack of passion for being an administrative assistant or the fact that I went over her head with my proposal (which I never even told her I was working on) was outraged.  She called upon her networks to put a stop to things.  A few days later I was told that while the company was going to create the position and launch the program I proposed, because of all the controversy, they could not allow me to head it up.

I was crushed.  I remember walking across the agency’s glossy floors and out the tall glass double doors of the building to sit on a park bench.  I was burning with animosity, rage, and frustration at the seeming injustice of it all.  Sitting on that bench writing my letter of resignation with a shaky hand, the wave of anxiety eventually released me from its grip and I was overcome with a sense of calm clarity.  I was onto something here.  Maybe there was a way that I could work with corporations, organization and people themselves to bring out their latent talent and harness it in a way that could contribute to a common goal. 

That defining moment led me on a search that would allow me to find ways to do more of the work that beckoned to me.  It launched a chain of events that has led me to learn more about myself and make the most of experiences that would further prepare me for the work that I do now.  And I am grateful – so completely and utterly grateful – that it happened, though at the time I thought it was the worst possible thing. 

What were some of your defining moments?  What have they prepared you for?  As you look back, what have they taught you about yourself?  Perhaps you are experiencing a defining moment right now…  If as you read these words you are feeling disoriented, fearful, or even plain confused about a course of events that doesn’t seem to have any purpose other than to make life miserable, chances are you may be in the midst of one.  If you have not yet found the gift in the experience, rest assured that you soon will – if that is what you desire.  Chances are it will lead you to new frontiers that will allow you to breathe more life and love into everything you do.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2009.  All rights reserved.

Have an experience we can all learn from?  Please share it!

If you would like to read more about taking risks and learning from the outcome (regardless of whether it went the way you hoped it would), visit www.DianeBolden.com/articles and download “A Leader’s Leap.”  You might also like “Life’s Perfect Classroom”.  While you are there, sign up to begin receiving the Synchronistically Speaking ezine (it’s free) and receive a new article each month.

The more I work with people, the more I realize how very similar and connected we all are.   At one time or another, we all ponder deeper questions of who we are, what it all means, and how we can take what we’ve got and use it to make an impact in some small (or large) way.  More and more, people seem to be focusing their energy and attention on creating a life of meaning and significance and bringing more of who they really are to what they do. 

This act of bringing out the very best of ourselves and others and focusing unique talents, strengths and energy into something that contributes to a greater good is what I call leadership.  It transcends vocation, title and role.  And it is more important now than ever.

Every day gives us a new opportunity to learn more about what we are capable of, what is possible, and how we can become part of something greater than ourselves.  We learn both through our disappointments and our successes, as well as those of others.  The best leaders habitually look beneath the surface to behold something greater and find a way to leverage it.  There is much to be said on the convergence of life, learning and leadership.  And that is exactly what this blog is about.

I believe there is something to be gained from collectively musing and reflecting on every day experiences.  Perhaps by examining seemingly unrelated events, we can understand and appreciate the synchronistic current that seems to pulse through all of our lives.  In the process we can unearth and harness the raw potential that lies waiting to be rediscovered within each of us – and in so doing, practice true leadership.

I don’t have all the answers.  It seems no one really does.  But I do have a lot of questions.  And sometimes all it takes to find what we seek is curiosity coupled with the awareness that these answers come from many sources.  May this blog be one more source of that wisdom – through the collective pondering and musing of a community of seekers like me and all the people I have had the good fortune to cross paths with over the course of my life.

Welcome friends, and Namaste.

For more on learning from and leveraging your everyday experiences, download Life’s Perfect Classroom at www.DianeBolden.com/articles and subscribe to the Synchronistically Speaking ezine while you are there.