Diane Bolden’s Synchronistically Speaking

Several years ago I was rushing around trying to get somewhere quickly while worrying about what felt like a million things that were competing for attention inside my head.  And then suddenly I felt the impact of a collision and the somewhat distinctive scent of burnt powder being released by the air bags in my car as my body was thrown into one of them.  Just like that, everything stopped.  And hours later, I sat in the passenger seat of a tow truck staring back at the crushed metal of the sports car I had purchased two months prior as my gaze went from the bed of the tow truck to the vehicles on the road below, each filled with people hurrying and scurrying to their destinations.  It was as though I had been yanked from my own frenetically chaotic routine and made to sit still while I objectively observed that same mindless mania from a distance.

Earlier this week, I sat in a cardiovascular intensive care unit watching my husband recover from the seven plus hour surgery he had just endured.  I felt a strangely similar sense of having been removed from the somewhat banal yet seemingly urgent tasks that tend to occupy my days and directly inserted into something that led me to feel as though time had somehow come to a complete halt.  It was as though the volume on all the background noise in my life had been somehow silenced to allow the most integral parts to have their solo.  Knowing that he was unconscious, but hoping he could somehow hear my voice or feel my presence, I realized words were completely inadequate to capture how I felt about him at that moment anyway – even if he could hear them.

All the craziness of the previous weeks somehow went away and everything that only one day before seemed so pivotal no longer even shared the same scale.  Life’s momentous events have a way of trumping everything else in such a way that we question what it was we were so worked up about before anyway.  And in these critical moments it seems the most vital things take on a razor-sharp focus.  We remember what is really important.  It’s as though we have been granted some kind of highly sophisticated vision that allows us to instantly and almost unconsciously differentiate the significant from the trivial.  We feel that which we know in our hearts with such strength and magnitude that it almost bursts right out of us.

As I looked around others in the ICU – patients as well as their family members, I realized that in these places, people are at their rawest and most human.  There are no facades, no airs, no agendas.  And it isn’t just the gowns that leave people feeling exposed.  We are ripped wide open in such a way that we come face to face with our very essence.  In these moments, life takes on new meaning.  These gut wrenching experiences that cut us to our cores give us the gift of returning us to our cores – so that we can remember how strong we really are, and come back to that which gives us true strength.  We awaken to what is most real within us and find the ability to connect to what is most real in others.

I don’t think the only way to experience such a profound wake-up call is through tragedy, illness or trauma.  We have the ability – and the choice – every day to pay attention to what we are paying attention to, and determine whether it is really worthy of our time and precious energy.  We can open our eyes to the unfolding of each moment and allow the questions that haunt and beckon in the furthest corners of our minds to become magnified in such a way that we cannot help but hear and respond to them. 

What gives your life meaning?

What are you really here to do?

…to be?

And are you doing it?

If not, when will you start?

How about now?

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

Moments of Meaning

I’m sitting in my living room as I write this, looking at our Christmas tree.  It’s tall, beautiful and bare – the lights and ornaments are still in boxes in the garage along with the rest of holiday decorations waiting to be unearthed and put to use.  On my desk is a growing list of things to do – presents to buy, cards to send, and parties to plan for – amongst all the other things that need to be done that aren’t holiday related.   “You ready for Christmas?” people often ask each other.   I don’t know if I’m ever ready – from the standpoint of having all those boxes checked, anyway. 

I know there are people out there – you may be one of them – who finished their holiday shopping weeks ago, had their houses beautifully decorated on or before Thanksgiving day and seem to find the time to make cookies and fudge and send handmade cards to everyone they know.  I have secretly dreamt of being one of those people, and maybe someday I will be.  I’ve tended to identify more with those who dash to the mall on Christmas eve for that one last present they forgot about and return home to feverishly wrap gifts before people come over, hoping desperately for time to shower – all the while swearing that next year will be different.

It’s not the supreme organization of the people in the first category that I envy and admire, though I do also have secret dreams of eliminating the clutter that seems to find its way into every cabinet, closet, and drawer in our house (that’s a post for another time…).   What I really long for is the ability to simply enjoy every aspect of the holidays – to experience and celebrate its true meaning without feeling as though it is a race whose shotgun start I must have somehow missed.  It is a season of giving, of sharing, and of celebrating something bigger than ourselves – allowing it to bring us together and transform our everyday lives into something sacred.

I realize as I write these words that this opportunity is always available to us.  With every gift we buy or wrap, every card we send, every decoration we hang up, we have the ability to infuse it with presence – our ability to be truly engaged not only with whatever it is we are doing, but with the bigger reason of WHY we are doing it – even if we get a late start at it.  Perhaps the ideal is not in being able to do more things sooner, but to put more of ourselves into the things we are able to do now despite whatever circumstances we find ourselves in. 

When people take the time to do this – to really pour their hearts into whatever they are doing, you can feel it.  The cards that arrive in our mailbox that have been perfunctorily generated don’t seem to move us as much as those people have taken the time to hand write something in – even if it is just our name.  And the gifts that had some element of thought in them often end up meaning more to us than those someone spent a lot of money on.  The true spirit of giving is really more about the spirit than the gift itself.

And the spirit of giving and celebration doesn’t have to end once December is over.  We have the ability to enrich every moment of our lives with it.  Albert Camus once said, “Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present.”  That means forgetting about all our preoccupations and busyness and being right here, right now – truly engaged in the purpose of whatever it is we are doing and deeply connected to whoever we are with.  In business and in life, this seems to be a practice that separates the most truly prosperous and successful people from all the rest.  They have a knack for making people feel valued and for infusing meaning into whatever it is they do or invite others to do.  They spend their time doing what is most important and pour their hearts and souls into it.  As a result, they are living examples of whatever they believe most strongly in. 

Perhaps this is the true art of giving, living and leading – one that transcends holidays and spills over into our every day lives.  And maybe it’s never too late to start.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2009.  All rights reserved.

Christmas tree photo from Photobucket.com by AmethystOrbs.

If you like this post, you might also enjoy The Gift of Generosity, which will soon be published in my December ezine.  To subscribe (it’s free), go to www.DianeBolden.com.  As a bonus, I’ll send you my special report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.   You may also enjoy Give Presence.  Download this and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles.  

Living on the Job

Do you ever feel that work is something you must “make it through” in order to get to the weekend?  I think at one time or another we have all felt that way (myself included).   When you look at the way most of us are indoctrinated into the world of work, it is easy to understand why many compartmentalize and keep it separate from their personal lives.  Work, we are often told, is not supposed to be fun.  That’s why they call it work.

Yet most of us occupy more of our waking hours in this activity than any other.   For better or worse, we spend more time with our coworkers than we do with our own families.  To live a life that is truly meaningful, we must factor in this large part of our everyday lives.  Life is too short to only truly live after 5pm and on the weekends.  And if ever there were a place that offers us a chance to perform our God given talents in a way that makes even a little difference, it is at work – where we are surrounded by others with whom we can pool our energy and passion to create something worth working for.  Day after day, we return to another opportunity to shine. 

To what degree do you show up on the job?  I don’t mean physically – but mentally, spiritually, holistically.  Do you see your work day as a series of boxes to be checked so that you can go home?  Do you refrain from sharing your humor, your dreams, your honest opinions and wildest ideas with people while you are there?  If so, you may not only be cheating them, but also yourself.   

People I coach who desire greater satisfaction and fulfillment at work often believe things might be better in a different job, with a different boss, or even in a different organization or company altogether.  Some believe they must leave their current situation in order to make a bigger impact.  While this may be true, once they have decided they cannot find what they seek where they are, they risk cutting themselves off from achieving it at all.   We cannot put conditions on our ability to be the people we were meant to be.  Either we are doing it, or we are not. 

When we are aligned with our true selves – those parts of ourselves that are creative, unique, strong, inspired, connected, passionate, present, and of service to others – we will find joy and satisfaction wherever we are.  We can zone in on that which we would most like to do in the future, and find small ways to embody it now – no matter the circumstances we find ourselves in.  In the process, we will touch people’s lives and improve the quality of our own.  Challenges that require what we do best will find us, and as we rise up to meet them we will attract additional opportunities, resources, and people of like mind to assist us in rising to greater heights.   

In order to do this, we must resolve to live fully – both on and off the job.  In what ways might you have a greater opportunity to bring more of who you are to what you do?  What are you waiting for?  The world needs you now.

“Whatever you do in this life, take time to sit quietly and let the world tell you what it needs from you.  Take a moment to honestly understand what your gifts are – you all have them.  The way you choose to live your life brings meaning to your life.”  ~ Ann Reed

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2009.  All rights reserved.

If you like this post, you might enjoy You Can Be the Change We Need.  Download this and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles.  While you are there, you can also subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.

The more I work with people, the more I realize how very similar and connected we all are.   At one time or another, we all ponder deeper questions of who we are, what it all means, and how we can take what we’ve got and use it to make an impact in some small (or large) way.  More and more, people seem to be focusing their energy and attention on creating a life of meaning and significance and bringing more of who they really are to what they do. 

This act of bringing out the very best of ourselves and others and focusing unique talents, strengths and energy into something that contributes to a greater good is what I call leadership.  It transcends vocation, title and role.  And it is more important now than ever.

Every day gives us a new opportunity to learn more about what we are capable of, what is possible, and how we can become part of something greater than ourselves.  We learn both through our disappointments and our successes, as well as those of others.  The best leaders habitually look beneath the surface to behold something greater and find a way to leverage it.  There is much to be said on the convergence of life, learning and leadership.  And that is exactly what this blog is about.

I believe there is something to be gained from collectively musing and reflecting on every day experiences.  Perhaps by examining seemingly unrelated events, we can understand and appreciate the synchronistic current that seems to pulse through all of our lives.  In the process we can unearth and harness the raw potential that lies waiting to be rediscovered within each of us – and in so doing, practice true leadership.

I don’t have all the answers.  It seems no one really does.  But I do have a lot of questions.  And sometimes all it takes to find what we seek is curiosity coupled with the awareness that these answers come from many sources.  May this blog be one more source of that wisdom – through the collective pondering and musing of a community of seekers like me and all the people I have had the good fortune to cross paths with over the course of my life.

Welcome friends, and Namaste.

For more on learning from and leveraging your everyday experiences, download Life’s Perfect Classroom at www.DianeBolden.com/articles and subscribe to the Synchronistically Speaking ezine while you are there.