Diane Bolden’s Synchronistically Speaking

If you’ve been following my blog for the last few weeks, you may have noticed that many of the posts have been about getting unstuck, overcoming procrastination and overwhelm, and moving forward.  That’s because these are challenges I’ve been working through lately.  And one of the best ways I know to find answers and solutions to my challenges is, well, to write about them.  I think it’s because writing about something requires you to hold a question in your mind that allows you to access answers.  Sometimes my answers come through writing, and sometimes they come through in other ways.

One of the insights I received came through watching my nine year old son do his homework.  There is a dynamic there that has both fascinated and frustrated me.  The kid is really smart.  And his homework is really not that hard.  He could sit down and finish it in a matter of minutes.  But the second he pulls it out of his backpack, something happens that literally freezes him in his tracks.  It’s as if a huge mountain has suddenly erupted out of the page and grown into a formidable and intimidating barrier between what he needs to do and his ability to get it done. 

He sits and stares at the paper.  He complains about the work it requires him to do.  He worries that he’s not going to be able to do it right (or at all).  And then any little thing that captures his attention suddenly absorbs every ounce of energy and focus he has.  A bug.  A little drop of water on the counter.  The way the numbers on the digital clock change with each minute.  Thin air has even captivated him in this state.  And hours can go by before he has mustered enough courage and motivation to even raise a pencil to paper.

“Ryan,” my husband and I tell him, “in the time you take to complain and fuss about it, you could have it finished!”  “You can easily do this – you are so smart!”  we tell him.  Amazing.  None of that seems to get through. 

And then I realized that my son is a mirror image of me when I get overwhelmed.

It’s not that the tasks are all that hard or the obstacles too entirely difficult to overcome.  It’s that somehow my mind enlarges them to several times their normal size so that it feels as though I am getting ready to tackle Mount Everest when in reality I only need to take a little stroll around the block.  I tell myself stories (sometimes consciously and other times unconsciously) about how difficult things will be – especially things I’ve never done before.  And I get sucked into the crazy fallacy I have battled my entire life that has me believing I need to get everything perfect.  Before I even realize what’s going on, I feel totally fatigued – can’t even think straight.  And then I need to just sit for awhile – or go find something to do that is easy, so I can check a box and feel as though I have accomplished something, anything. 

So now I know where my son gets it.  Instead of trying to teach him.  I have decided to allow him to be my teacher.  In addition to showing me what is standing in my way, he has reminded me that all the words in the world don’t make a difference when you are trying to teach someone to do something you have not yet mastered.  Kids learn through action, not words.   And so do adults. 

So if I’m going to do even a lick of good for this kid, (and my other kids, and my clients, and anyone else I might want to help), I have got to get busy working on myself.  But how do you overcome a lifetime of perfectionistic  patterns that keep you from taking the action necessary to achieve your grandest visions and goals?

With this question at the top of my mind, I went for a run.  As with just about any of my runs, the first fifteen minutes was hard.  I was tired and stiff.  It wasn’t fun.  But I powered through it.   And then I got into my zone.  My legs felt lighter.  My breathing evened out.  My head began to clear.  I started to enjoy myself.  And I ran a little faster and a little harder.  It felt good. 

And then I had a second, equally powerful insight.  To break out of the perfectionism trap – to get out of overwhelm, to free myself from my own self-created prison, I simply need to get into action.  To take even one small step toward my desired goal – with the knowledge that at first it may be uncomfortable, stilted, far from pretty, less than perfect.  And then to take another, and another and another.  Until finally I reach my zone.  I have a feeling the more diligence and effort I put into those initial steps, the more quickly I will get through that “warm up” period and into a place where I can actually make headway – and – dare I say it – even have some fun?! 

So that’s my simple plan.  And I’m sticking to it.  And when I need a little more motivation and inspiration, I’m going to go hang out with my son for awhile. 

“Life is like riding a bicycle.  To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” 

~ Albert Einstein

  Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may enjoy other articles written about Boosting Creativity, Productivity & Effectiveness.  Download these and others for free at www.DianeBolden.com/solutions.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

Do you ever have trouble getting something done?  Something big?

(Or maybe something that feels big?)

When faced with a rather large task or project, it is easy to get bogged down in the details and the heaviness that comes with them.  We can experience what feels like a never ending process of having to check a bunch of boxes to advance something toward completion.  And when the project we are working on requires us to do something new – something uncomfortable and challenging – it is easy to get mired in feelings of fear, frustration and anxiety.  All of these things can keep us feeling stuck.

Our focus goes from the joy of getting something done to the frustration of having something undone.  In this state, many of us tend to become rather mechanized, as we try to get clear on the steps before us and what we need to do to accomplish them.  We can also put a lot of pressure on ourselves, beating ourselves up for any lack of progress and failing to recognize and acknowledge ourselves for what we have done. 

We may become easily distracted by things that we know will be easier and potentially more enjoyable – tasks that don’t really need to get done right now (or at all), and things that may really be more appropriately delegated to others.  We can get sucked into unproductive activities, such as surfing the internet, engaging in idle conversation, taking several coffee breaks, or – my personal favorite – making more lists of all the things we need to do and identifying the steps we need to take in order to get them done.  This is actually a great practice when we are focused, but in a procrastination mode it can become relegated to planning to plan – and then plan some more – until we have a rock solid strategy that we never actually implement.

It may feel as though you are spinning your wheels  - running like heck,

but not getting a whole lot of traction.

I know this, of course, because I have experienced it myself.  Many times.  And I have worked with a lot of people who fall into this pattern as well to recognize what’s happening and shift into something that will get them back on a more productive track.

One of the most powerful things I have found to break out of a “spinning your wheels” cycle is to take a few moments to revisit your purpose – or the larger mission or goal you have which relates in some way to what you are doing.  

• Get clear about what – or who – the work is for.
• How will it improve the quality of life for yourself or those around you? 
• In what way will it help people, contribute to something greater, or allow you to achieve a meaningful goal for yourself?

You don’t have to take several hours to do this.  Just stop yourself for a few moments and ask, when this project/task/ initiative is finished, what bigger goal or purpose will it accomplish?  What would you like to accomplish?  Write it down.  Add to it as you think of additional bonuses.  Now, sit for a moment and see if you can envision what it would feel like to satisfy that larger purpose, vision or goal.  See if you can feel it so clearly that you are actually grateful for it. 

This simple act will help you reconnect with something that will fuel you beyond the minutia.  It will give you the courage and strength to walk through your fear or hesitation to do something that you may not be all that good at yet.  And it will help you to get back to the joy that comes through the process  as well as the achievement of the end goal. 

When you go about accomplishing things in this way, all that you do will become infused with a new energy – one that uplifts, delights and inspires.  Whatever you are experiencing as you work on something will be the same thing people will experience when they partake of the fruit of your efforts.  The more we keep this in mind on a daily basis, the more we will experience the satisfaction and gratification of having done something truly meaningful – something that lifts us out of the mundane and into a place of magnificence.  And everyone that comes into contact with our work will be better off because of it.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may enjoy other articles written about Boosting Creativity, Productivity & Effectiveness.  Download these and others for free at www.DianeBolden.com/solutions.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

Do you ever feel as though the little things you’ve left undone accumulate to the point that they close in on your space – both physically and mentally?

This video is about my experience with that phenomenon and what I decided to do about it one day.

 WHY CONQUERING CLUTTER IS SO IMPORTANT:

Just like our computers, we too can only handle so many programs running at once.  When we succomb to procrastination and do not take the time to simplify and process things that need to be taken care of, things have a way of freezing up.  In addition, our view of reality becomes warped as problems and challenges become magnified and the stories we tell ourselves about what needs to happen to get through them become frightful and intimidating.

To keep yourself from experiencing the overwhelm and frustration that comes from clutter building up in your office and in your mind, GET INTO ACTION and do what you are most afraid of.   

KEY POINTS FROM THE VIDEO:

* Clutter is frequently a result of not wanting to make a decision – which is often a product of not wanting to make a mistake.

* The things we leave undone accumulate until they begin to become overwhelming.  Our space and our minds become cluttered when things take up more space than they should.

* To bust through your clutter, go directly to the things you are most afraid of and JUMP IN!  Remember that you don’t need to get things done perfectly – you just need to get into action.  Moving forward is far better than staying in the rut you might find yourself in.

“Always do what you are afraid to do.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
 

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may enjoy other articles written about Boosting Creativity, Productivity & Effectiveness.  Download these and others for free at www.DianeBolden.com/solutions.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Procrastination Perfected

I blocked the day off to write today.  This morning when I went to my computer, I noticed I wasn’t getting an internet connection.  I spent the next thirty five minutes on the phone with the cable company taking direction from a pleasant, but somewhat annoying computer generated voice that had me unplugging and replugging various devices.  When my signal finally returned, I happily dove into my email, saw a request from a client, and endeavored to fulfill it – figuring it would only take a few minutes.  Forty five minutes later, I realized that my Quickbooks program was inexplicably creating random invoices .  Looking into the situation, I saw some  numbers that were wrong and ended up spending the next hour and a half going from one screen to another, scratching my head.  While I was in there I thought it might be a good idea to get a better handle on my monthly expenses, so I did a review of them and created a spreadsheet.

My stomach started to churn, and realizing it was lunchtime I went into the kitchen to warm something up.  Eating in would allow me to save time, I figured.    And it did, until I brought my dirty dish to the sink and decided that I would feel better if I washed the other dirty dishes that were sitting there.  Scraping crusted cocoa puffs from plastic cereal bowls, I wistfully imagined the day my kids would actually learn to clean up after themselves.  Then I realized that I still needed to put together an art masterpiece presentation for my oldest son that I would be doing in his classroom tomorrow.  I pulled the packet from the pile of other things waiting for me to get to and went through the materials to see if the notes previous presenters left in there were adequate.  As I read, I became fascinated with the Chamash Indians, whose rock paintings the class would be discussing.  I did a quick internet search to see if I could unearth any additional interesting facts and ended up getting sucked into a related website on shamans and the role they played in ancient civilizations. 

Coming to my senses an hour later, I spent the next twenty five minutes creating a document for parents to explain what the kids would talk about and do in class during my time with them – all the while wondering if anyone ever really read those things.  And then I finally pulled the materials together and put them back in the packet, realizing that I pretty much had everything I needed for that project from the start and kicking myself for wasting so much time.  I looked at the clock and remembered that in an hour and a half I would need to pick my son up and take him to soccer practice.   Wow.  Woefully little time left.  I still needed to prepare for the client meetings I would be having the next day, and then I would take a shot at writing, I reasoned.  I spent the majority of my remaining time prepping, save for the two phone calls that shook my concentration and sent me back to my email to take action on them.  While I was there, I saw a new subscriber alert appear in my inbox. 

I suddenly realized why I felt so disappointed in myself.  It wasn’t that I didn’t accomplish anything of value (though I will concede that I did seem to spend time doing quite a few things that had little or no value).  I had broken a promise I made to myself and as a result got sucked into a myriad of activities that were completely unrelated to the one thing I really wanted to do today – WRITE.  The painful irony of it all is that what I blocked the day to work on was a new chapter of the book I’m writing – a chapter about – ready for this? – PROCRASTINATION and other AVOIDANCE MECHANISMS and DIVERSIONARY ACTIVITIES that keep us from unearthing our greatness.

That one new subscriber returned me to my place of power.  I had spent the day gripped by fear that kept me from rising above the minutia to do what was most important.  My fear was related to stories I have that convince me that writing will be harder than I think and that I may not be able to do justice to the subjects I feel called to write about.  In that one moment, reflecting on the fact that someone took the time to click that button and read my stuff helped me to remember that it isn’t really about me at all.  It is about what I can do for others.  And most of us can relate more to each other’s mistakes and missteps than we can to their successes. 

So, let the mistakes and sloppy writing rip.  Let the email wait.  Let the dishes sit.  Leave the bookeeping and other administrative tasks to people on my team that are far better qualified for and passionate about those tasks than I am.  If that new subscriber would have appeared this morning when I checked my email, would I have spent the day differently?  Probably.  Upon reviewing the day I thought of all the things I could have done to stay focused (tactics I teach my clients to use when they fall into the same traps I did – mostly because I need to learn them myself).  And then I realized that today’s experience inspired me to write this post – and gave me some great fodder for my new chapter.  Tomorrow will be a new day.  And I will rise to meet it with a greater source of energy and inspiration than I did today.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2009.  All rights reserved.

If you like this post, you might enjoy Stepping Up to Strategic Focus.  Download this and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles.  While you are there, you can also subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.