Diane Bolden’s Synchronistically Speaking

Defining Moments

As a part of my Transformations in Leadership workshops, I ask participants to write about their defining moments.  We all have them.  Sometimes while they are occurring, we feel as though everything is coming apart.  They can be uncomfortable experiences that we end up learning a lot from but would rather never repeat.  Pleasant or unpleasant, they are critical to our growth as they mark the passages that lead us to close one door and open another.  They may be dramatic changes that end up altering our jobs, environments or careers or they could simply be significant shifts in the way we view ourselves and the world around us.

One of my defining moments came after working for about a year at an advertising agency right after college.  Having yet to arrive at the realization of what I wanted to do with my life, I took the job because it had elements of what I studied in college:  English, business and communication – and because it sounded fun and interesting.  I started as an administrative assistant with the promise that it wouldn’t be long before I would be promoted into something a bit more substantive.

Turns out advertising just wasn’t my thing.  The work itself didn’t pique much interest in me, but I was intrigued with the organization and the people in it.  Turnover was high, morale was low, and the customer was an afterthought.  I knew that all that could be changed – that something could be done to allow people to feel more alive in their jobs, to ensure that the customer was happy, that the company was growing and profitable.  So I got to work talking to people. 

I interviewed smart, ambitious entry level personnel, who felt discouraged and overlooked when the jobs they were working toward were filled by people from outside of the company.  I talked to new creative staff and account executives who came in and hit the ground running, knowing little about the agency or its customer.  I spoke with seasoned executives who lamented that no one seemed to care about what was most important anymore.  I integrated all their insights, ideas and suggestions with my own observations and created a proposal to implement a program that would allow seasoned people to train and mentor newer folks, better integrate with the customer, and grow the business from within. 

Knowing little about corporate politics, I went straight to the VP of Operations with my proposal to create the program and allow me to run it.  He listened intently, asked several questions, and arranged subsequent meetings with others in the company.  It wasn’t long before a position was created.  My boss at the time, who wasn’t impressed with my lack of passion for being an administrative assistant or the fact that I went over her head with my proposal (which I never even told her I was working on) was outraged.  She called upon her networks to put a stop to things.  A few days later I was told that while the company was going to create the position and launch the program I proposed, because of all the controversy, they could not allow me to head it up.

I was crushed.  I remember walking across the agency’s glossy floors and out the tall glass double doors of the building to sit on a park bench.  I was burning with animosity, rage, and frustration at the seeming injustice of it all.  Sitting on that bench writing my letter of resignation with a shaky hand, the wave of anxiety eventually released me from its grip and I was overcome with a sense of calm clarity.  I was onto something here.  Maybe there was a way that I could work with corporations, organization and people themselves to bring out their latent talent and harness it in a way that could contribute to a common goal. 

That defining moment led me on a search that would allow me to find ways to do more of the work that beckoned to me.  It launched a chain of events that has led me to learn more about myself and make the most of experiences that would further prepare me for the work that I do now.  And I am grateful – so completely and utterly grateful – that it happened, though at the time I thought it was the worst possible thing. 

What were some of your defining moments?  What have they prepared you for?  As you look back, what have they taught you about yourself?  Perhaps you are experiencing a defining moment right now…  If as you read these words you are feeling disoriented, fearful, or even plain confused about a course of events that doesn’t seem to have any purpose other than to make life miserable, chances are you may be in the midst of one.  If you have not yet found the gift in the experience, rest assured that you soon will – if that is what you desire.  Chances are it will lead you to new frontiers that will allow you to breathe more life and love into everything you do.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2009.  All rights reserved.

Have an experience we can all learn from?  Please share it!

If you would like to read more about taking risks and learning from the outcome (regardless of whether it went the way you hoped it would), visit www.DianeBolden.com/articles and download “A Leader’s Leap.”  You might also like “Life’s Perfect Classroom”.  While you are there, sign up to begin receiving the Synchronistically Speaking ezine (it’s free) and receive a new article each month.