Diane Bolden’s Synchronistically Speaking

What’s not working in your life right now?  Does it have you spinning into a bit of a tizzy?  This week’s video features a story that might provide insight and inspiration to finding the solution you seek – by simply looking at your challenge again, with new eyes.  I hope you enjoy it!

Here’s what I said in the video:

This clock belongs to a dear friend of mine, and she told me a story the other day that was just so enlightening to me. She gave me permission to retell it.

She loves this clock, just loves it. It matches her office beautifully. She has a couple of brushed steel lamps [that match], and it’s the perfect size, and she loves to look at it. But one day it stopped working.

So she went to put in new batteries and to her incredible disappointment, after she put the batteries in it, the clock still didn’t work. She wanted to have something in her office that was as beautiful, if not more beautiful, than this clock. So she did what any of us would do when we really love something enough that we want to replace it or replicate it. She drove all over town looking for a clock that was like this one — store after store after store. And finally she found one that wasn’t quite the same, but it would do.

So she brought it home and put the batteries in, and guess what — that clock didn’t work either! So she opened it up to take the batteries out and she realized, wait a minute – a light bulb went on in her head.

She went she got her old clock that she loved so much and thought she would try this again. So she opened the clock and put the battery in the opposite way – lo and behold it worked again.

I love this story, because it is so representative of we tend to do when something isn’t working. We run all over the place, rack our brains, and sometimes go to great lengths and great expense trying to come up with a solution, when all we needed to do was make a simple little shift using what we already have right in front of us.

Sometimes all you really need is a simple little shift.

Broken glasses picture by Edward Phillips from Dreamstime.com.

Ever get to a place where everything feels way too heavy and burdensome? Well I’ve been there too. The above video features a story about a conversation I had with one of my children years ago that never fails to help me get things back into perspective.  Scroll down for more resources on lightening up.

Here is what I said in the video:

There was a time in my life a few years ago where I was just CRAZY busy.  I’ve always had a unique talent for over-complicating everything — making things WAY harder than they needed to be, and I was doing that a lot. I remember racing to get my kid at daycare and having him be the very last kid to be picked up right around 6:00pm.  And he would look up at me like, “Mom, you’re finally here – I didn’t think you were actually going to make it.”

During this particular week, I had a lot of things falling through the cracks.  I was behind on some major deadlines,  I  was not really feeding my family or myself very healthy food.  I was just feeling like a lousy mother, a lousy wife, a lousy person in general — like I just couldn’t get things the way I wanted to, which back then was PERFECT.  If it wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t good enough.

I remember sitting on the couch with my toddler and he looked up at me and he said, “Mommy can I count on you?” And I thought “Oh my God, my two year old is questioning whether he can count on me!  I must really be awful.” 

And I looked at him and said, “What did you just say?” He said it again, “Can I count on you?” I replied, “OF COURSE you can count on me!”

And he looked up at me with his sweet little twinkly blue eyes as he raised his fingers to my shoulder to count with them, saying “One, two, three, four…”. I just remember looking down at him thinking “Oh my God!” and couldn’t help laughing. Suddenly everything felt lighter and better.

Now whenever I get in that place where I’m out of my mind overwhelmed – and taking myself WAY too seriously, I remember my sweet little boy at two years old — “one, two, three, four….” 

For more on Lightening Up:

Something to Consider

Lightening Your Load: Mind Over Matter

A Story About a Bad Day

Paths to Proficiency

Illustration from Dreamstime by Nlizer.

The other day I was working from my home office when I noticed a man in my back yard.   I figured perhaps he was a meter reader from the utility company and went over to the window to get a better look.  He was wearing shorts, a t-shirt, and a large straw hat whose wide brim angled toward the ground.  In his hand was what looked like a window washer with a squeegee on the end.  He looked all around our back yard, glanced over to the back fence, and then proceeded out our front gate.  An unsettling feeling came over me as I began to realize there was a very good possibility this man had no business on our property.

I watched as he walked over to a maroon minivan and slouched into the driver’s seat with the door open, waiting, his foot kicked up and resting on the open window.  Peering out my living room window, I strained to see if I could make out the license plate.  The letters were fuzzy and I couldn’t quite discern them.  So I grabbed an envelope to take to the mailbox thinking that from there I could get a better look and scribble down the letters and numbers on the paper.  As I walked toward the end of the driveway, the man quickly closed the car door, started up the engine and drove away.  I began to run – trying one more time to get a look at the license plate, but the car just went faster.

My heart was beating wildly. I sent emails to my neighbors  encouraging them to make sure their gates, doors and windows were locked and to be on the lookout for the red van that I saw.  A few minutes later, I settled back into my study only to glance out the window and see the red van again – this time across the street, with the door propped open, and the same man I saw in my back yard sitting in the driver’s seat waiting.

Still looking out the window, I picked up the phone and dialed 911. I did my best to describe the man to the dispatcher and relay the details of my experience and felt a wave of relief when I saw two squad cars roll up behind the van.  A policeman walked over to the man and the two of them talked.  A few minutes later the officer called to inform me that the man in my back yard was from the irrigation service that comes twice a month to open and close the valve that brings water into our yard.

And then I felt the sting of embarrassment and humiliation followed by feelings of regret and sympathy for this poor man who was just interrogated by the police while doing his job in triple digit heat in Phoenix, Arizona.  Compounding my  foolishness was the fact that my husband and I have actually met this man and had a conversation with him.  He was warm and kind and gave us advice on how to properly irrigate our back yard after having some work done there.  I even remembered that his name was Tom.

As the police got back into their cars I walked across the street to thank them and apologize to Tom.  “I am so sorry,” I told him sheepishly.  “I didn’t recognize you and I was scared.”  Tom’s mouth widened into a smile that revealed a few teeth missing.  He laughed as he told me, “You wouldn’t believe how many times people have called the police on me.  Don’t worry about it.“  It was then that I realized that  the window washer I thought he was holding in his hand was actually an irrigation tool.  I explained to him that what really alarmed me was that he drove away as I was running after him.  Turns out he never even saw me – just realized that he was starved and had exactly five minutes to run and get something to eat before the next valve had to be closed.

We had a very nice conversation in the minutes that followed.   His eyes sparkled as we talked about his work, his three sons – one of which was having a birthday that day, and his relaxed, let life happen as it comes philosophy.   As I walked back toward my house, I realized the power our fearful stories have over our behavior and the way things play themselves out in our lives.  I had experienced firsthand the distortion of reality caused by faulty information my mind filled the blanks in with as a result of my fear and panic.  I took very few data points and wove them together to create a worst case scenario that had me acting as though it was true.  And none of it had to do with Tom himself – only the story I created based on what I was believing about my limited observations.

I can’t help thinking about how that dynamic plays itself out every day of our lives.  We all take in limited information and we all create stories about what it means. Most of us tend to operate as though those stories are true.    And other people do the same thing when it comes to their observations of us.  It was a wonderful reminder to always entertain the thought that perhaps I don’t always have all the pieces of the picture or every detail relevant to the story.

It also made me realize the importance of not taking personally the sometimes perplexing or inexplicable reactions others may have to me – to keep an open mind, and an open heart, like Tom did. To remember that things aren’t always what they seem – and people are not always who we think they are.  And to entertain the possibility that at any moment circumstances can change from being frightful to delightful - if I am willing to look beyond what my eyes and my mind are telling me to see what is really there.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may enjoy other articles written about Navigating Through Change, Challenge & Uncertainty. Download these and others for free at www.DianeBolden.com/solutions.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.