Diane Bolden’s Synchronistically Speaking

The other day in karate class, our sensei (instructor) began by explaining that 2012 is the Year of the Dragon. A year of wealth and financial prosperity. “So none of us need to worry,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. He then proceeded to tell us a Zen story – one that I enjoyed so much that I want to share it with you.

There was a family of three that lived happily in the country in a small house. One day, as the woman who lived there was out and about, she noticed three very old men with long white beards sitting on the side of the road. Sensing they needed care, she invited them back to her home.

When they arrived, her husband was curious about what was going on. “Who are these men?” he asked her. “What are their names?”

When the woman inquired, they shared that their names were “Wealth”, “Success” and “Love”.

Her husband agreed that they should welcome the old men into their home and tend to them. The men explained that only one of the three would be allowed to enter, and that the family had to decide which one to invite.

At that point, our sensei paused the story and asked the class to discuss which one of the three we would have invited into our homes. As the group began to wonder which of the men looked like they needed the most care, he reminded us that Zen stories were about ancient principles and more metaphorical than literal. From that point, the discussion was lively.

Several indicated that they would not hesitate in asking Love in above all else. One person said, “Hey, the Beatles told us that’s really all you need.”

Another pointed out that any of the three would really be OK. “After all, wealth could be a wealth of health, money, love, whatever. And success is really about how you define it. So that could include love and money too.”

Still others felt that the family was happy before the men appeared and asked why they really needed to invite anyone in the house.

Someone else referenced that our sensei opened his discussion by indicating that this was the year of the Dragon – a point that must have some relevance to the answer he was looking for.

The discussion continued and the group finally arrived at the consensus that they would choose love. We gave our answer to our sensei and he told us the rest of the story.

The husband and wife talked it over. He felt they should invite Wealth, while she was leaning more toward inviting Success. From beyond the room, they heard the voice of their young daughter. Oh Mother and Father, invite Love!

The husband and wife looked at each other and decided to trust in the wisdom of their daughter. They turned to Love and said, we have decided that you should come into our house.

Upon hearing his answer, all three men began to applaud and cheer. The family was confused.

Love explained, “If you would have chosen Wealth or Success, only the one you invited would have been allowed to enter. But since you chose Love, all three of us can come in.”

Love. Inviting love into your home may not sound like such a stretch. How about into your workplace? How about into your job? What would it be like to live every part of your life with love being the first thing you invite in?

Love doesn’t pay the bills, you might think. Love doesn’t allow you to come out on top, you may have been conditioned to believe. What’s love got to do with it?

How about EVERYTHING? Look around. I don’t know about you, but I’ve begun to notice that there is a distinct difference between people who have made love a priority in their lives, and those who have chosen differently. It seems that people who have put wealth and success before love are often some of the most fearful, angry, defensive people around. And those who have put love first are the most generous, courageous, and fulfilled – regardless of what’s in their bank accounts.

And if the Zen story is true, perhaps with love, we can reach the highest and purest levels of wealth and success. The kind that is not fleeting. The kind that does not exclude. The kind that does not become depleted as it is shared, but rather multiplies and grows in strength, abundance and true power.

Wealth, Success and Love. Invite Love in, and the others will follow. Sounds good to me.

What do you think?

My family and I practice karate at the Center for Humane Living, a nonprofit organization whose vision is to inspire all people to live peaceful and compassionate lives while implementing a fully humanitarian agenda.

Photo credit: Graksi

It has been said that every thought you have has an impact on something.   And I believe it.  What about the thoughts that fly randomly through your brain – the ones you have little or no awareness of?  And what about the thoughts that get stuck in your head, repeating themselves over and over and over…?  That’s what this week’s video post is all about.  I hope you enjoy it! 

Here’s what I said (and sang) in the video:

A SONG OF SABOTAGE:  “I cannot help but feeling that I have so much at stake. So I lock myself inside my head and I just run in place.  So many directions, I don’t know which way to go. I’m so busy doing nothing, that I’ve nothing to show. I’ve got a new LOW…”

Lyrics from A New Low by Middle Class Rut

 A SONG OF SUCCESS:  “When a problem comes along, you must whip it.  Before the cream sets out too long, you must whip it. Now whip it, into shape. Shape it up.  Get straight.   Go forward.  Move ahead.  Try to detect it.  It’s not too late – to whip it.  Whip it good.“

Lyrics from Whip It by Devo

 ”I can’t help feeling like I have so much at stake so I lock myself inside my head and I just run in place.” Do you have a song like this running through your head?

We get songs stuck in our heads and before we know it, they’re playing over and over. It’s really similar to the negative beliefs and doubts and negative things we say to ourselves all throughout the day. And we may not even have any idea what it is we’re telling ourselves until we recognize that we’re just feeling lousy.

When that happens, we can get conscious of what’s at the root of that.  And often times, it’s something that we can easily adjust. The only way that I know of to get a song out of my head that won’t go away is to replace it with another song.

So, if you think of that in terms of what we’re saying to ourselves, what’s the song that you need to play inside your head right now?  What’s the song that you can play that’s going to make you turn your view around and help you show up in a whole new way?  

For more on Shifting From Sabotage To Success:

The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be

A Strategy for Overcoming Fear

The Tyranny of Should: Chore vs. Choice

Beyond Boundaries

Lightening Your Load: Mind Over Matter

Image by digitalart.

Do you find yourself frustrated when you keep trying something over and over again only to feel like you’re getting nowhere?  I must confess, I’ve felt that way often.  But I had an epiphany one day in yoga class that gave me a whole new perspective.  I suddenly realized the one thing that was consistently missing in my many attempts.  This week’s video post is about that one thing, which has proven to be valuable not only on my yoga mat, but in the rest of my life as well.

When you’re done watching the video, scroll down for more resources on “falling over”.

Tweet

Here’s what I said in the video:

I’ve been working on trying to do a handstand for a really long time.  And it took me a long time before I would even try. I would see people doing it and think “Wow that’s really cool, but I can’t imagine I would ever be able to do that”.  And then gradually, I thought, “You  know what?  I want to do this.  I’m going to try this.”

So, I started off by kicking one foot up and just didn’t get far enough.  Kicked another foot up and just wasn’t getting anywhere.  And I thought “How do people do this?”

The yoga instructor pulled me aside one day and said, “You know Diane, if you really want to get up there, you have to be not afraid of falling over.” And I thought “Falling over!  I don’t want to fall over.” So I took that home and I thought about it and I kept watching people. 

And I thought “You know what, so what if I fall over – I know how to fall into a backbend.  I’m going to try it, what the heck!”.

So the next time, I kicked up further and higher than I’ve ever kicked up, and guess what – I fell over. Splat, right on my back. Just then, the man sitting next to me on his mat said, “Wow, you’re a risk taker.” And I replied [after thinking about it for a minute]   “… yeah, I am.”     

Real success is achieved when falling down simply becomes part of the process.

For more on “falling over”:

The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be

Let it Rip – Pushing Past Polished (published 8/1/11 on the Women Speakers Association blog)

Bouncing Back: Perseverance Personified

The Fallacy of Failure

Strive image by Robert Balazik from Dreamstime.

Last night Tom Petty was in town and I was lucky enough to get a last minute opportunity to watch him perform.  Chuck Berry – at age 83 – was the opening act.  He moved and grooved and belted out his tunes with just as much energy and passion that he did fifty years ago.  And then TP and the Heartbreakers took the stage.  They rocked the house.  People were out of their seats from the very first song and transported to a place that transcended time and space – where worries, tension and stress simply melt away.

I love to watch people who have mastered their craft enter their zones.  They are mesmerizing.  Uplifting.  Inspiring.  Fascinating to watch.  And their energy is contagious.  They have the ability to connect with people they’ve never even seen before and somehow leave them in a better state than they were before.  Their impact on us remains long after we have parted ways.

It’s easy to see this state of grace in people who perform – like musicians, actors, athletes, speakers, dancers, etc.  But any of us can get into a zone that allows us to experience a state of flow, where we become one with the work in such a way that it can feel effortless and transformational.  And that can have a powerful impact on everyone around us as well.

As I watched Tom Petty perform, I noticed  three major things about him that I believe are key to finding your zone – no matter who you are or what you do. 

(1)  Don’t take yourself too seriously.

“It’s all right if you love me.  It’s all right if you don’t.”  Classic line from a classic Tom Petty song.  I imagine the first time he performed, he probably cared a lot about what people thought of him.  Most of us have gotten hooked into worrying about the opinion of others at one time or another.  Wanting to win approval and admiration isn’t a crime.  And there is nothing wrong with desiring success.  But getting too attached to it can have adverse effects.  It’ll trip you up and keep you from entering your zone.  There is a sweet spot that Tom Petty and other great masters of their crafts have found – one that allows them to play at success without becoming preoccupied with it.  The paradox is that letting go of the intense need for success seems to have a way of somehow unlocking the gates for it to come in – and it makes everything a lot more fun.

(2)  Be WHERE you are.

The timeless place Tom Petty transported his audience to was largely a product of his own ability to completely immerse himself in what was taking place around him in each moment.  He could not have been more present.  In this state, we do not fret over things that happened yesterday or worry about what might happen tomorrow.  We simply allow things to unfold around us in such a way that we can remain tuned in and turned on.  We connect with our intuition.  We act on our insights and learn to improvise.  Rather than waiting for the “right opportunity” to do what we love, we begin where we are and allow everything that we do to be an expression of love in and of itself.  And we create a space that connects us to others in profound ways. 

(3)  Be WHO you are.

Tom Petty’s voice is distinctive.  And so is his style.  Maybe he found it immediately.  Maybe, like many of us, he started out by emulating someone else before he discovered that what came naturally to him worked better than anything else he tried.    Great artists often learn by studying and duplicating the work of other artists.  But the best of the best eventually break out of the mold and find their unique form.  The same is true for each of us.  We begin our lives by learning from and  mirroring others, but at some point the time comes for us to step into and embrace our uniqueness.  Gradually, we learn to trust that the gifts we have each been given are there for a reason and find ways to put them to use.  As we believe in ourselves and our ability to contribute to something greater than ourselves, our work – like that of Tom Petty and Chuck Berry – becomes an inspiration to others. 

As I was leaving the stadium after the concert had ended, I noticed a man on the street playing his heart out on a tenor sax.   Taped to the pole he was standing next to was a large cardboard sign on which was written in bold black letters the words:

“YOU HAVE GREATNESS WITHIN YOU.

SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND YOUR DREAMS

AND THEY WILL COME TRUE.”

I couldn’t agree more.

My new book, The Pinocchio Principle ~ Becoming Real: Authentic Leadership for the 21st Century is about unleashing your greatness.  It will be released on January 11, 2011 and will soon be available to pre-order.  Stay tuned for more information and subscribe to my free monthly ezine at www.DianeBolden.com to hear about free upcoming events, videos and teleseminars.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

A few weeks ago in a karate class I heard a marvelous Zen story that spoke to the incessant yearning we all feel from time to time to be more, do more, and have more.  This desire at times gives us the strength we need to power through some of life’s most imposing obstacles.  At other times, it has a way of creating obstacles of its own.  How can we use our aspirations in ways that work for us, and help others in the process?  That is the subject of an article called The Art of Affluence that I wrote for my February ezine.  Below is an excerpt with a link to the full article.  I hope you enjoy it!

A wise master was walking along the sandy banks of a lazy river, breathing deeply, enjoying the feel of sunshine on his skin, and taking in the beauty all around him.  Just across the river one of his students was walking anxiously back and forth, scanning the perimeter of the river and the surrounding land.  When the student saw his master, he began waving his arms and shouting, “Master! Master!”  The Master looked up and waited silently for his student to continue.  “Master,” said his student, “How do I get to the other side?”  The master simply replied, “You are already there!”

One of the many things this Zen story speaks to is the desire we all have to be more, do more, and have more.   And one thing people throughout history can’t ever seem to get enough of is money. 

Wealth has been used as a scorecard for success throughout the ages.  From its conception, its lure has led many to do things that are not in the best interests of others.  We have been conditioned to believe that it is the key to freedom, happiness, and security.   People often take jobs that are not truly aligned with their talents because they fear that without them, they will not have the money they need to satisfy their basic needs.  Many seek positions of leadership because of the increased pay it has to offer and all the things they could buy as a result. 

Money has also allowed organizations and people to expand their level of influence, improve the quality of services and products they offer, and attract key talent that will allow their visions to become  reality.  It allows programs to be created and perpetuated that improve the quality of life within communities and the world at large.  It pays our bills and puts food on the table.  And it allows us to travel and buy things of beauty and utility that can become the source of inspiration and joy.

There is nothing wrong with wealth, just as there is nothing wrong with prestige, power or pride.  The key is the manner in which these needs are met, and where the desire for them originates.  If the aspiration is for a greater purpose – one that is not solely self serving, the desire is aligned with a higher good and the resulting outcome will be as well. 

If the motive is not in the best interests of others, it is more aligned with ego and likely to lead to objectionable behavior, such as greed, envy, insensitivity, arrogance, and paranoia.  Those who attain what they seek in an effort to serve others are far more likely to sustain it.  Those whose motives and tactics are more aligned with serving themselves alone will live in fear of the inevitable loss of their fleeting success. 

Often people are drawn to formal positions of leadership for what they have to offer – power, control, prestige, and higher pay.  These things feed the ego, which would have us believe our inherent value is equated with them and that the more we have, do or achieve, the more successful we are.  The problem is that no matter how much power, control, prestige, and money we acquire, it never seems to be enough.  Life becomes a series of races, battles, and games to be won with little time left to savor the victories, which are often short lived.  Click here for the full article. 

If you’d like to receive new articles each month as soon as they are published, go to www.DianeBolden.com to subscribe.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.